Unspoken Feelings

You've made it this far, Kid!

It was hard showing them my never ending smile and laughs, it was as hard as I thought it could be. I sometimes asked myself, "what if I don't have these people that I have now since the day that I have finally landed on that one thing that everyone's been cursing all the time? Which is by the way, the thing that we call 'reality. What if I don't have someone? Not even a friend, or a mom? Nothing at all. And I'm on the stage of my life where every action, and every word that I hear kills me even if I know that to other people.. it was just a mere issue.

Yes, I think so too. Maybe my problems, or the problems that my mind kept making rather, was just a teeny-weeny obstacle. What if I am the kind of person that everyone wishes to die or to be gone away from them? And then what if my depression never leave a minute every night that I try to sleep? If I am that kind of person whom no one seems to care or know.. and then one night I just decided to end everything in just a snap, will that still be considered being selfish for not thinking of other people who might get sad after knowing that I finally died? Hmm. Who will get sad anyway? I have no one. Haha. That could've been nice!

But then again, I have a family, and I also have friends. And it was so hard to deal with all of these things on my mind, because I love them. And I don't wanna be selfish to them by letting myself be eaten up by my emotions and cut my own soul to death! So I will keep on fighting for me to survive from the different challenges and difficulties that life has given me. And you too, please.. fight with me. Fight with us.

We are not alone, that's the truth.. and we can surpass this, I know. It may take years or decades, but we can do this alright? You are not walking by yourself on this journey, there will always be someone who'll stay with you no matter what. And note that every person has their own lives, and jobs, and works, and whatever.. so you just have to understand if a friend, or family, won't be there for you in some days but they'll still be there, just a little busy, but they're there and they care for you. Just keep in your mind that maybe they're struggling to some things too, reason why they can't be around when you need them. And maybe you need to take a step to be there for them, even if you needed them the most.

Hold yourself together, and be strong even if everything's falling. Don't let the cruelty of life take you down, fight it! Because I think life is about fighting, and sometimes you even have to fight yourself to be able to see things that you haven't seen before. And then after that, you'll have to accept yourself, or those things that you've been denying all this time. Free yourself. And after that, love yourself. If you're finally able to do that, then you are ready for your next journey because you have finally succeeded on your mission and you were able to make it through. And as what Tyler Joseph used to tell me through his song, "You've made it this far, kid!" 🙂