Falling Up

glass skies

God everything hurts.

And I know you dont read these anymore because you've gotten all that you've needed from them. I know hardly anyone reads these anymore. But it feels like a bombshell went off in my chest and im left trying to pick up the scattered shards of myself and put them back together. It feels like my being has been dripped out and poured into someone else so I can just watch them grow stronger as I grow weaker. With every time I cry, I cry for a little while longer and a little harder. Each tear represents more of myself that I feel like im losing as this conversation goes on.

I feel like youre already done with me. Youre already prepared to throw me outside along with the rest of the failures. But im not. Im not ready to be considered one of your 'almosts' like we were almost there, but everything crumbled to the ground like a city after an earthquake. A city we built together, promising one another that everything will be okay. We built using words like bricks, laying one layer after another and reaching towards the sky that we thought so desperately we could reach. A sky of promise and hope that everything will be okay in the end. But the earthquake shattered our glass sky and I can feel it collapse around us as we try to protect ourselves, but not each other. Our glass sky falls into a glass wall in which I watch you move further and further away from our pieces that I know we could fix if we both wanted to, and closer and closer to a new city where everything is dirtier, but sturdier.

I sit in the ruins of our city, watching as others help each other build thier own but I never get the motivation to go and help someone else. The shards of our glass sky poke into my skin as an ever-looming reminder of how I cant fix anything on my own, but how easy it would be to reconstruct with you beside me. My blood seeps into the concrete foundation that grew stronger and stronger as the months went by, but now I wasn't sure that it could hold together long enough for us to find each other again.

I pray that our city can stay a little longer because im not ready to let go of the fragments of what couldve been. I pray that I hold up, laying under the stars with no roof and no shelter from any aftershocks. I pray that you come back, even though I want you to do whats best for yourself.

I pray that this city crumbles on top of me if you never come back.