Falling Up

okay

Im screaming.

I know that my eyes water a little too much.

I know my voice wavers a little too often.

I know my writing gets a little too intense.

I know people can see this.

I know you see this.

So, do these things go unnoticed by choice, or by accident?

I'm pounding on one way glass, watching as everyone lives their lives in a world that I feel as if I am not a part of anymore. I scream through soundproof walls, hoping that someone will come by and realize something is not right.

I can't bring myself to say the things that I know I need to. I can't say the things that I know people need to know. I am just so fucking afraid of the looks, of the judgements that could be cast upon me. I am so afraid of the words that I know people will say.

You don't have a reason to think that way.

You're a teenager, this stuff is normal.

Is it your period?

Don't be selfish.

That's such a selfish thought.

You're selfish for thinking that.

I don't want to be selfish..

Why can't I be a good person any more? Why can't I cry while writing these anymore? Why do I feel like the only person on this desolate island?

Why can't I just be okay?

I miss being okay.

I miss being happy.

I miss being proud.

I miss being okay.