Falling Up

alive

More than anything I want to feel your body pressed against mine in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I want to feel that warmth and serenity in the pitch black room that used to scare me, but I learned to listen to you breathing instead of my thoughts. I want to feel those moments where neither of us spoke but we both knew what the other was thinking.

I want to open my eyes and wake up next to you, how we used to be. Because sleeping in the same bed isn't as comforting anymore. Your body has it's own pull on my own and I find myself inching closer and closer to you when I start to realize that we now have 'sides' of the bed. I realize as my arm tries to find it's way to you, that that's not it's place anymore.

You say that it is fine. We can just  be close and nothing more. But the closer I get the more I'll want.

I'll want more than just your body next to me on a cold night. I'll want more than just your hand near mine. I'll want more than just a little of something that we never got to develop in the first place.

I'll always want more of you.

I'm never sure if you read these anymore, but if you do. Don't listen to me. When I say 'I can move on', I'm lying.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget how it felt to lay with you or to have you next to me. I don't know if I will ever be able to forget the way you make you feel.

Because you made me feel alive.