Falling Up

50

What words are okay to say?

What hope is okay to hold on to?

Because every moment I speak to you it becomes harder and harder to ignore what I feel. But you have said that there may be a chance, and that is all that is getting me through.

That little chance.

My world feels as if its slipping through my fingers, like a distorted house of mirriors and I can't keep my balance in the midst of choas.

I cannot hold steady in this storm anymore because you were my anchor in this moment of terror. You held my ship steady at the port as i prepared for a voyage.

But you left, and in that moment of panic I was so unsure. I was so scared.

I am so scared.

What is appropriate to do when i find myself here? What is normal to feel? Because I feel so far from normal. I almost feel as if im broken, because I am so far from hating you.

It seems as if i cant hate you. Its so exhausting to loathe your exsistence because i simply dont.

So help me figure this out. Help me understand.

Help me decide what to do next.