Falling Up

you part 3 maybe?

What is there to count down to anymore?

Ive lost track of days and I can't tell if its because I am horribly excited or excruciatingly nervous. Because you could step off that plane and rush to find us just to try and fix the damage from these past few days. Or you could half heartedly wander around, trying to find a reason not to have to see me again because itll hurt.

A few weeks ago, you were willing to be stuck in a car with my family for 6 hours, half of which without me, and through that ride, I was not looking forward to where we would end up. Mainly because I would get out of the car, just to watch you all drive away and wave those next few days that I could be spending with you goodbye. To be honest, I definitely didnt make the best of that weekend.

But through that car ride, you knew I was upset about leaving. I didnt have to say it, even though I did, you just knew. Your hand stayed on my leg almost the entire drive and when I started crying without warning, you comforted me. I didnt cry because I didnt want to go, I cried because I didn't want you to go.

But low and behold you showed up to pick me up when I came home, and I think those were the saddest 3 hours that we ever spent together. I look back on them now though, and try to wish them back into existence because anything is better than us right now. I pray to god that those last 3 hours wont be all that I have to remember us by, and I hope that our last kiss wont stay in some dingy gas station bathroom because my mom didnt know about us yet.

Its so hard to count down to anything right now because these days just feel worthless in comparison to every moment that I spent with you because I was actually happy with you. All my problems felt pathetically insignificant with you.

I miss you so fucking much right now. Usually, sleeping is my favorite part of the day because it brings me closer to tomorrow, but now its so hard to lay down and not start crying again because I have nothing to distract my busy mind from you. From everything we promised we would do together.

But now I worry that none of those promises will ever come true, and you will be just another 'someone' that stumbled into my life for a while just to move on to someone better. I worry because I dont want that to happen...