Falling Up

garden of eden

Maybe in the midst of choas, one needs to piece out the problem and rip it up like a weed in the garden of eden. But I am no longer sure what the weed is, or where my garden of treasures lie. I am no longer sure of my intentions. I am no longer sure of anything.

My garden has been set ablaze and I do not like to run from the fires anymore. I simply bask in it's calm embrace, bewildered at how much i can suppress until a single sentence turns my rationality on itself and im left melted in the arms of no one.

I am left, reverting back to old thinking, waiting for the antidote to save me from this sickening process and lull me into a deep sleep. One of which, i tend to only be haunted again in my dreams.

Lands where you traipse about in relentless fashions, fawning over me as if we were who we were months ago. But you always leave me groggy and alone in the mornings, waiting to simply wither out of existence.

Because im tired of pretending that im over it all. Its not as easy as that, not for me at least.

You used to tell me about the way you hated trying to sprout a new garden from simple seed packets, that you liked to return to old gardens to continue pruning your tulips as if nothing happened. And i agreed. I did not like that feeling either.

But i was left in a smoldering orchard while you returned to you forgotten tulips and i withered into the soil like the rest of the flowers.

I felt their pain. I was a rose plucked from its safety among its peers and introduced to the insanity of the garden before getting tossed to the side to burn with everyone else.

And i burned.

And i healed.

And now i feel as if my garden is split down the middle, torn between all logical thinking and the way my emotions still long for the way my skin felt after being set ablaze.

It felt good.

It felt like you.

It felt as if god himself blessed this passion, as if he opened the garden of eden for just a single moment to show what true satisfaction felt like, before returning to his masochistic roots. Dooming those to a burning.

And i burn.

I burn in an enchanting garden of eden.