Falling Up

a note before reading

It has been around 2 years since the events that inspired the majority of the poems in this book, and after rereading it has come to my attention that I need to address some things.

I was not in a good mental state through most of this book, and my judgement was too clouded to realize that to the extent that I needed to. After the climax of these events I returned to my therapist that I had stopped seeing and talked through many of the troubling thoughts that may be documented here. This is in no way to encourage these thoughts/behaviors. I have considered removing these chapters but ultimately decided that they were a large part of the story that this book documents, and that those dark thoughts of mine may stick out to some of you, and they may help you realize that having those dark thoughts are signs that you, under no circumstance, should ignore. This story exists to only help those who are reading.

On top of the bad mental state I was in during writing these, I would also like to point out that the relationship that this collection of poems revolves around was highly toxic and drove me to delusions that scare me still to this day. If you relate to the happenings in these poems, if you begin to see correlations with your own relationships, please take the time to reconsider what kind of position you may be putting yourself into. Coming from someone who has been through this sort of thing, everything appears fine in the beginning, but dont let the urge to be kind to those who have hurt you overpower the instinct you have for self preservation. Do not let people hurt you and then go back to them. They do not deserve you. Once again, this book is in no way attempting to glorify this kind of relationship, it is meant to illustrate the happenings of one instance of this sort of toxicity. Please if you start noticing similarities in your own life, take action.

Finally, as I said before, this note is being written almost two years after the beginning of this relationship. My writing has improved greatly since then, and the poems that begin this book are kind of cringey. Most of them are very teenage angsty and that sort of thing, but they still tell the parts of the story they need to. I was falling in love with this girl who was older than me and I couldn't understand why it was happening, I was just too enamoured with her to see the bigger picture. These begging poems are cringey, but they need to exist for this story to make sense.

I hope you, dear reader, understand that almost everything that is detailed in these poems happened, and almost all feelings were sincerely felt. I would be happy to answer any questions about anything and I am always here to talk with if anyone begins to notice similarities. My Instagram is in my bio if you are uncomfortable speaking on here.

I want this to exist as a warning to those who were like I was. Do not mistake someone's loneliness for love, and understand that love does not bite in return to your confessions. You should never be a second option.

With sincere love and wishes for the best,
Ashlynne.