Falling Up

57

I already feel an overwhelming sense of false hope that i dont want. I dont want to feel hopeful that you still feel the same, because to my knowledge you dont. You dont want anything more and im simply the friend.

I feel as if all i will ever be to you is a problem. I will never be a source of comfort like i was, because i do not know how to comfort you anymore.

I am trying so hard to keep it together. So i dress nice, and i am loud, abrasive. I dont stay silent, and its almost as if its working. People dont notice the way i slump down when i think no one is looking. No one notices the cracks around the edges and i cant tell if im glad or so tired of not being noticed.

I guess im just so tired of not being over you, while you are over me. Im so tired of not being able to move past this chapter, i just keep rereading and rereading until i have the pattern memorized.

Maybe i wasn't as important to you as i believed i was, because you seem happier, i guess. You seem better off. You stopped your unhealthy habits, you got your sitaution in order, all without me.

But please stop letting me pick false hope like wild daisies. Because i keep them until they wilt and i have to suffer as the world around me drains my body dry. Every single time.

Please stop letting me believe there is something there, if there isnt. No matter how much ive missed you