Falling Up

lonely

Days like these, I am so confused.

I should be happy. Everything is going great. I have what I want, what ive been working for and everything is great.

Yet... here I am.

It starts with me feeling lonely. Like, I am the only one left and I stare at the ceiling, trying to find a pattern to explain what's happening to me. I watch the odd paint shapes as they form little pictures, like a movie across my eyelids. I feel as if they are my only company.

And im desperate for a single escape. Im desperate to get out of the house, out of my room because all I do is stare and doubt myself. Every part of me knows its not healthy and that I need to find a way to stop it. But I cant. Those thoughts consume me like a hungry dragon, ripping away at my skin and filling me with doubt.

It starts with me feeling lonely. Like everyone that texts me just does out of pity and doesnt actually want to talk to me. I feel as if im not worth it, not worth anything.

I get frustrated, and all I want to do is cry and scream.

But I dont.

Because it starts with me feeling lonely.