Falling Up

no idea

You have no idea how much I wanted you to respond.

I didnt even think when I typed what I did. It was just a mess of thoughts that my fingers typed across this keyboard of letters without my mind approving it.

You have no idea how much I wanted you to at least see the messages.

I felt like it was too much. Like we hadn't known each other long enough for me to send something so exposed and something so wholly me.

You have no idea how often I had to refrain from sending more messages.

I was nervous that I would say something stupid if you responded, though. I was impulsive and wouldn't think much as I typed what else was really on my mind. I would've ruined it.

You have no idea how much I debated sending that first message.

You said that you wanted me to come to you with more, but maybe it was too much. Maybe you wouldn't want to respond because it was too real.

You have no idea how much I worried afterwards.

I hoped you fell asleep earlier than normal. But I still had that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that kept bringing those negative thoughts back. I hoped you were okay.

I say you have no idea.

But maybe you do.