Confused » Jelsa AU

4

Elsa Winters

The wind howled as the dried leaves rustled down, scraping against the pavement of the empty streets. Trees, grass and posters swayed when the cold wind passes by. People had probably went home to warm themselves up, knowing that the winter is just somewhere around the corner.

I am sitting in between the three metal dumpsters in the alleyway of two towering buildings with my arms wrapped around my frail body, trying to conserve the little amount of heat I have. My hands are tucked under my armpits, hiding them away from the cold while my covered feet are under my legs.

The wind howled loudly, blowing the thin scarf away I have wrapped around my neck. The ragged satin scarf I had flew out into the streets along with the cold wind. Chills crept up on my bare neck, making my breath hitched up on my throat. Instead of panicking, I immediately opened my duffle bag, rummaging for some cloth that I could wrap around my neck.

After a few shuffles, I took out a worn out sock that has been stretched to its full length. As much as I hated to wear this around my neck, I am left with no choice. So, I looped the sock on my neck as I let out a sigh.

I've been living in cold and dark places for two years, how come didn't I adjusted yet?

It's been two freaking years since I left that doorstep and head out to the city on my own without their help, without anybody's help except for Astrid's.

Did I regret leaving?

I did and I did not.

Confusing, I know but that's the truth. I never regretted the part when I separated from them and become independent. I am even happy that I did that because when I finally had my feet on the pavement of the street with my luggage, I knew that I am no longer tied down to them. That I am no longer their little good daughter who'll follow everything they said that'll be good for me.

But, I did regret the part when I loved Astrid.

Yes, she may be one of the reasons why I separated myself from my family yet I still regret why I loved her.

I loved her with all my heart as I gave everything that would make her happy.

Yet, after all those, our relationship would come into a disastrous twist leading into its painful end.

The wind blew harsher causing me to tug my ragged jacket closer to my body. I sighed and leaned against the cold walls of the building.

I wonder if I had accepted Jake's offer. He's definitely suggesting something and I could tell it from the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes. If I accepted his offer, I would've probably be sleeping in a bed with no more dignity left in me.

What did I ever do to deserve this?

Is this my punishment for choosing to become a lesbian?

Is this my punishment for disobeying my parents wills?

Another sigh escaped my lips, feeling my eyes slowly flutter close before I drifted to a deep sleep.

* * *

Laying on the scattered and messy sheets, I hugged her body tightly as if I don't want to lose her. She's the last and the only one that makes me alive. She's the reason why I wake up every morning. She's the reason why I hadn't gave up on life.

Our skin touched each other. Her warm silky skin on my cold pale one. I could hear her heartbeat and her breathings while she played with my fingers.

"I wish we're always like this." She muttered, bringing my cold fingers to her lips and kissed it delicately. I sighed, listening to the rhythm of our heartbeats that screamed each other's name.

My heart screams for Astrid only and her heart screams for my name.

Placing a small kiss on her back, I smiled. "I love you so much." I whispered, only enough for the two of us to hear.

"Me too, baby. I love you so much."

"Stupid girl."

* * *

I woke up, yawning and found myself wrapped in thick woollen blankets with a lamp beside me, illuminating the dark alleyway. I looked around, seeing snow falling from the gray clouds, making snow clumps on the ground.

There's this particular season that I really hate.

Winter.

I just hate seeing those white ball of crushed into small particles of ice lying around and covering the whole cement road which makes it really hard to walk. I hate how my ass freeze to death while I line up for free coffee at some random local cafe shop. I also hate how the lakes or fountains turn into an ice skating rink because I couldn't take a bath anymore.

Yes, you read that right.

I take a bath in public wishing fountains and lakes.

Giggles erupted and filled the whole alleyway.

God, the children playing snowball fight are here.

They are also one of the reasons why I hate winter. Those children are  complete assholes who throws snowballs at random people especially me.

I remember last year when the morning was freezing cold and snow was filling the whole land. I was out to take the trash because Astrid was still sleeping and the landlady wouldn't throw the trash for us. So, I headed out for myself to throw my garbage. But then, I was cornered with those bullies and assaulted me using their snowballs.

"Oh, there she is!"

Speak of the devil.

Their loud footsteps and laughing resounded throughout the alleyway. I sat there, trying to look mean ans grumpy so, I could scare these little brats away.

"Oh, she has woollen blankets. How nice!" The children surrounded me, laughing at my pathetic-ness. "Did momma gave you those for Christmas or did you found it from the garbage bin?" Cupcake, the big bitch spat, causing her little minions to laugh.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled bitterly. "Someone gave it to me actually but I never got a chance to meet that person."I paused. "Did you shoved that person down your mouth that made your tutu looking like it's gonna burst?" I asked, smirking.

"You bitch!" The brunette boy shouted and threw his snowball at me, hitting me in the face.

"Hit her!"

Cupcake's minions started throwing snowballs at me and kicking me. I sat there, my face buried on the woollen blankets. As much as I want to drag these kids down to hell and give them to the devil, I couldn't because their rich-ass parents are going to hunt me down and get my head chopped off.

The only thing I could do is sit here, wait them to get tired and head back to their families.

"You deserve that you little cunt!"

I doubt that these are children. They're more like spawns of Satan in little human bodi--

"What on earth are you doing there?!"

************

I was super inspired yesterday that I managed to make a chapter!

Btw, thank you for all your votes and reviews/comments. It really means a lot to me!!!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Love y'all!

-diannedanica