My Antagonist Wife *completed*

Fourty One

I don't know what to do. I have to stop him. This is not good. Kung takot ako sa mga bata at sa mga buntis, takot na rin akong makipag-sex. Tapos sa kanya pa? Parang tanga lang 'di ba? Inuulit lang ba namin ang nakaraan?

Back in Cali, I would do flings and such but never have I ever had sex with anyone there. I have this one situation where Justin (a friend of ours in Cali) and I was already inside my room and making out. I was naked and so he was. We were about to do it and when I closed my eyes, everything flashed back in my mind. And when I looked at Justin, all I saw was Jerod's face. I pushed him away and told him to just go home. He was fuming mad that he left his boxers in my room.

After that bigla akong nag-lie low sa pagpunta at pagsama kila Lara sa mga bar. Matindi na talaga ang sira ko sa ulo.

"Jac, I missed you." He whispered and then kissed me on my neck and like what happened in Cali, when I closed my eyes..every fucking thing flashed back.

Only difference is hindi na ibang tao ang kaharap ko, siya na talaga. My eyes were blurry from the tears. Did I miss him? I don't know. My heart feels like it would explode any moment now.

I pushed him away and covered myself. He looked puzzled and hurt and angry all at the same time.

"I-I'm sorry, I can't do this." He shut his eyes and held onto his hair.

"What? W-why?" He looked at me like he was pleading for me to answer. For me to clarify my actions.

"I-I can't. Everything came rushing inside my head. Every fucking thing. Detalyado. Na parang bumalik ako sa nakaraan." Umiling siya.

"Jac..." That was all he could say.

When he looked at me, his eyes were red and teary.

"If I could just call off the wedding, I would." My heart stopped beating erratically. "Akala ko...akala ko kaya ko. Na tiisin lahat, na habulin ka. Na hintayin kang maging maayos. Na hintayin kang matapos sa pag-iyak mo. Kaso hindi pala. Hindi madali."

My tears were flowing down my cheeks. I couldn't say a single word. My mind has nothing in it right now.

"Grabe, paano mo nakayanan 'yon? Na hintaying magkaroon din ako ng feelings para sa'yo? I admire you, eh. 'Yung patience, 'yung love mo for me...dati. Kasi sa naranasan ko these past few weeks from you? Ang hirap. I was at the verge of giving up everytime na you would ignore me. Everytime you would reject me. Masakit. I've waited for years sa pagbabalik mo. I gave you your time...your space. Ilang bansa yung agwat natin mula sa isa't isa. Ilang taon na 'yung lumipas, pero ikaw...nando'n pa rin! Nandoon ka pa rin sa panahong nawala si Thereeze. Nasa past ka pa din! Sa panahong umiiyak ka kasi nawala sa'yo lahat. Ikaw lang ba ang nasaktan? Ako? Anong tingin mo sa'kin? Bato?! Ipapaalala ko lang, tao rin ako! Nasaktan din ako sa nangyari, pero ano na lang ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko kung hindi ako magmomove-on?! You made moving on a sin!"

Patuloy lang ang pagdaloy ng luha ko habang tulala at nakatingin sa kanya.

"Na para ba'ng sinasabi mo sa aming lahat na hindi kami pwedeng maging masaya hangga't hindi ka masaya. Na hindi pwedeng ikaw lang ang nasasaktan, dapat kami rin. Na kailangan maging okay ka muna bago namin ituloy ang mga buhay nam-" hindi siya natapos sa sasabihin niya.

I slapped him hard on the face because that's what I'm good at. Hurting other people. Pero hindi siya natinag sa sampal ko. Na para ba'ng wala na lang sa kanya 'yon. He didn't even blinked his eyes.

"Paano ka makakamove-on if you refuse to?! Paano tayo?! Paano ka?! Paano ako?! Paano naman kaming mga taong gustong magmahal pa sayo?!" Bawat sigaw niya ay parang patalim sa puso ko.