My Antagonist Wife *completed*

Fourty Two

"Anak, hindi ka ba lalabas man lang?" Mom finally talked to me.

One week naming ibinurol si dad because of some of our relatives living abroad and sa loob ng isang linggong 'yon, hindi niya ako kinausap man lang. Hindi niya ako pinilit na makihalubilo sa mga tao or kahit magpakita man lang sa kahit na sino. She gave me my space, and for that I am very thankful. Nandito padin ako sa kwarto, nandito lang ako sa buong linggong iyon. Pumasok siya sa kwarto ng malaman mula kay Jerod na gising na ako.

"Mom, is everything serious? You're not pulling a prank on me?" Umiling siya at naglakad papalapit sa akin.

"Totoo lahat ng ito, Macqui. And we have to accept it no matter what because we don't have any choice. Hindi mabubuhay ang Daddy mo kapag sinabi nating hindi natin tanggap ang lahat. Matatapos rin ito and soon, we need to go back to our daily lives because we don't have a choice as well. We have to continue living our lives because that's the cycle. That's the norm. That's the rule. We all need to move on with our lives." Umupo siya sa tabi ko. "We can't break it. We can't make our own rule. We can't stay in this situation forever. You can't stay here forever, either. Ikaw, hindi pwedeng dito ka na lang. Hindi pwedeng iiyak ka na lang dito. You need to move on from everything anak, because that'll only make you more miserable. Paano naman 'yung happy ending mo?" She caressed my cheek and smiled at me.

A tear fell from my eye as I smiled at her. She has a point. Hindi pwedeng dito na lang ako. Tumayo ako at nagsuklay. Nagayos ako ng kaunti at sabay kaming lumabas ni mommy mula sa kwarto.

I felt like everyone's eyes were on me. Na para ba'ng buong linggo nilang inabangan ang paglabas ko sa lungga ko. Naglakad ako papunta sa kabaong ni Dad.

I remember all our petty fights. All the hurtful words he told me. All the tears I shed because I was too angry and pained all at the same time. I remember how he somehow disowned me as her daughter. Ayaw ko mang sabihin, but what I was and I am right now is partly because of him.

"Ngayon na ang libing?" Mom gave me a nod.

Ang bilis. Parang hindi pa talaga napoproseso ng utak ko na wala na siya. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit nalulungkot ako, gayong wala namang nawala sa akin. I can't even say that I lost my dad, because I don't even have one since day one. He never treated me nicely nor showed me any affection.

"You have to prepare for it. It's just four in the morning, Macqui. You have all the time since nine in the morning pa naman ang mass." Mom whispered before going somewhere near my relatives.

Naiwan ako sa sa harap ng kabaong ni Dad. I can't move an inch. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Whatever I say would all be useless since wala naman na siya.

"I don't know what to say to you. I can't say I will miss you because you were never there for me. I can't even reminisce because we haven't shared any moment together. I can't even say I lost my father because you weren't even a father to me. I can only look at you and be sad kasi wala na akong makaka-away. Wala na akong iirapan sa hapag. Wala na akong sasagutin ng pabalang. Wala na akong susuwayin. Wala na akong tatakasan at wala na akong pagtataguan...kasi wala ka na. " I put my hand over the glass.

"Nung bata pa ako, every birthday namin ni Jill I would wish for you to hand me my present. You and mom would always prepare a grandeur birthday party for me and Jill, tapos ang highlight lagi is 'yung pagbubukas namin ng regalo niyo samin. You would always take Jill's gift and hand it to her, tapos si mom naman sa akin. And then we would hug and kiss each other. I would always approach you kasi you would always come for Jill first, after Jill na lang ako. Those simple gestures, Dad...they meant a lot to me. Kapag blowing of candles na I would always say na sana next year ako naman. Ako 'yung abutan mo ng gift...ako 'yung una mong i-hug..but that never happened." A tear fell from my left eye. "It will never happen, not in my wildest dreams."