Walking Forward to the Beginning (Book 5)

Can't Help

Today I received a letter
That broke my heart
And made me ever so angry
That ME has taken something else
Away from me

When you have compromised organs
Tainted blood with viruses
You just simply
Can't help
Can't help save a life

I came up as a possible match
For a young lady with aggressive cancer
My bone marrow or even just blood
Could have helped save or prolong
Her life
But

I can't help
Not anymore
It's not legal
Or moral
To give this wretched disease
To anyone

I just hope
Will pray that there is another
Donor
Someone healthy
For her

It's one thing to anonymously
Give blood
It's a totally different understanding
When they tell you

She's just 17
She has very aggressive leukemia
You are a strong match
She needs you

And you
Can't help

My heart sank when I got that email
I wanted to cry
I wanted to scream

Rip the viruses out of my system
Though they're mostly dormant
Scratch the white lesions off my brain
Because they aren't growing or increasing

I've gotten better
But I can never give back like this again
The disease claimed another victory
Over me
Reached another score
Left me in the dust

My own childhood words
Ringing in my ears
"Someday I'll help all people"

And how can I when I
Can't help
A fellow spoonie
With her whole life ahead of her

ME needs to be eradicated
From planet earth

Where is fairness here?
No positive ending to this
There simply isn't one
My heart just hurts

That is all.