Psychopath [solangelo au]

-How to be a bad friend-

((Trigger warning: panic attack))

November 16, 2017

"Hello Nico, how are you on this fine morning?" Jenny asked holding the door open as her client left. I was slightly early so I had to wait a couple minutes outside. I wasn't amazing today, but I decided not to ruin her good mood.

"I'm fine how are you?" I replied, running my hands through my hair. I was still sleepy, but I felt slightly better than I did two days ago. I had gotten the pills yesterday after school and I got a full 9 hours of sleep after falling asleep at 9:00.

"I'm fantabulous! I've had a great day and it's sunny and warm, kind of, and it's just a good day," Jenny said, stretching her arms wide and sitting in her chair. I took off my bag and sat as well.

"That's good Jen, I'm glad you're happy,"

"Why thank you Neeks, how nice that you are glad," she smirked at me, and then got her pad of paper and pen,
"And how are those pills working for you Nico?"

"I got 9 hours of sleep last night so... good I guess," I told her, cracking all of my knuckles. It felt good.

"That's good, that's good, so they're working, what about your other ones, still going strong?"

"It seems like it," I lied. If they were working, it wasn't showing much. I still felt down and empty and worthless, and would get random bouts of anger.

"Good, we'll keep an eye on that right?"

"Right." I looked her over. She looked like she was glowing- not in the pregnant way. She was just beaming. She had light jeans on and little flats. She wore a white floral shirt and a yellow cardigan. She really liked cardigans.

"So has anything happened these past two days?" She put the note pad down again since we were going back to personal stuff.

"Nothing eventful, no. I listened to a lot of music and Camilla bugged me a ton today but that's about it," I brushed my hair away from my eyes again. It really needed cut, soon.

"Cool, and how was the cafe with Will?" She put her hands on her knees and smiled at me intently. She was acting slightly childish today.

"It was fine, but I almost fell asleep again and I was just not really into it like most times," I replied honestly. It was true. I didn't talk a lot and I wasn't excited to go like usual.

"Yeah, that's probably a mix of no sleep and you're worsened anxiety right now," she tapped her chin,
"Did you take your pills that day?"

"Yup I did, I'm just acting up for some reason."

"Hm, that's not good... let's get your mind off it for right now, yeah? Let's talk about something happy," she smiled and sat up straight again.

"Like what Jenny?" I smiled back at her. She was more childish than I was.

"I don't know, what haven't we talked about in a while?" She thought hard and then lifted a finger,
"It's been like almost two years since we talked about girls yeah? Have you found 'the right one' yet?" She laughed.
I thought about it. Girls were never on my mind, like, ever. I don't think I've given them a single thought since I was asked out in 10th grade.

"No, I don't think so. I haven't seen anyone that isn't either scared of me, gossips about me, is an asshole or is just annoying," I said trying to think. Camilla was just plain annoying. Sarah just... I don't even know, I just didn't like her like that.

"Oh yeah?" She asked me. I felt pressured, even though I wasn't being pressured. Why haven't I ever liked a girl? Boys by my age usually have had sex and I haven't even thought of it. I've never gone out with or even thought of going out with a girl.