😂Funny Ass 5H And LM Shit😂

Story time!

This shit JUST happened...

OK so its 1:25am where I am. Oct 13 2017. And my dad hella religious (important for this story)

So, I'm listening to Fetish by Mami Selena on my speaker and my dad walks in, telling me to get ready for work with him. He hears what I'm listenin to, talking about it has some "subliminal messages". I tell him "what doesn't have subliminal messages?" He goes on saying to be careful what I listen to.

I say, "Fatass, regardless of what I listen to, imma still b the apathetic, conceited asshole I am today. Making dark jokes and telling people to choke on glass and shit dead carcasses. Today's pop culture is corrupt and ain't no getting around it. Who wants to listen to Take Me To The King all day?" He looks at me like I'm crazy and goes, "What the fuck got into you?" I ain't look at him when I said, "Satan." I literally heard a grown ass 47 yr old man gasp. I look up and he's staring at me with fear and shit.

Then he goes on saying that the illuminati is creating my favorite artists and I said this long ass speech.

"The illuminati doesn't exist. Triple six is just a goddamn number. An inverted cross and a triangle are just shapes. The eye in the triangle is just a body part. The devil only exists in Christianity. The bible has been tampered with so many times that I question if anything said in church are just stories passed on like the damn bogeyman and the tooth fairy. Honestly, who is able to go to the middle east and find niggas w the names Matthew, Luke, Paul, etc? Be a Christian all u want, but I'm way too open minded, curious, and woke to believe in that. I'm an Itheist..." (I said the part from Be a Christian on down laughing)

He was like "the hell is an Itheist?" I said while body rolling "I'm Satan, I'm God, I'm every fucking thing"

He threw a closed bottle of holy water at me and I said, like the evil little asshole I am "That's just faucet water with scentless massage oil with a cross on it." He started to say a Hail Mary in Spanish and I was saying it with him with an evil smile (in case u ain't know; I love fucking w my dad) then I said "Pops, being good all your life doesn't make u complete...own your wickedness, Antonio!"

"Who are you?!"

"...Today? Will you be the sun? Or the pouring rain?!"

He told me I'm going to hell and I said "Good! When I get there, I'm snatching off my bra, going into Satan's lair, sit on his lap and say 'I'm fucking home. What's the WiFi passwords and tell the demons to play Lana, Halsey, P!ATD, and Melanie when I walk through'" then I say "My room gonna be room 665 with cold bottled water and an A/C."

Literally! This nigga smacks me in the head with a big ass bible, saying "No child of mine would go to hell!"

"You just told me I'm going! U going too for abusing me w a damn Webster dictionary! Im calling CPS!"

"You're 19, so you can't, you damn demon!" Hitting me two more times (My head still hurt)

We had a long ass argument w me being a sadistic cunt and my dad gradually getting fed up. Then I played Tyler the Creator. You don't know who that is? Listen to all of Yonkers and Sandwitches (that's what I played on full blast when he shut my room door)

I ain't go to work, now I'm sitting here, having Fetish on repeat...

My dad gonna put me in an asylum...and I'm perfectly fine w that😊😊😊
😈😈😈

THE END