How Great Is Our Love

Kabanata 38

It's six thirty a.m., said by my alarm clock. Pinatay ko ang alarm at tinakpan ang buong katawan ng kumot at niyakap ang unan sabay bumaluktot. I was still in my red dress feeling so sore down there. I feel like I was physically drained, maybe I lost all my energy last night. Tears teased to escape from my eyes....again. I was crying the whole time I was on the front porch, wala akong ibang ginawa maliban sa umupo doon at yakapin ang sarili dahil sa lamig. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na ako nakapasok sa bahay at hindi ko alam kung nakatulog ako dahil iyak ako ng iyak buong magdamag.

I kept on sneezing, I can almost see colds coming and I don't think I can go to school right now.

I heard  continuous knock from the door, from the way I hear the sound of the knock, I am certain that it's my brother and I don't have any plans on wasting my strength to get up and open the door for him.

"I'll kick your door if you won't open this within five seconds!" He yelled.

"Kick your damn ass." I mumbled and buried my face underneath the pillow.

"Five...four...three." Pity brother keep counting up to negatives I won't open the damn door and let your ass in.

"I'll call Mom and Dad! Now! As in right now." He shouted and I can hear how furious he is. I'm sorry brother, your lil patience will really be tested today.

"Do whatever you want." I answered, still murmuring beneath the pillow. I know any moment from now, he'll eventually go.

Most people are like that, one moment they'll pursue me but with just few constraints, they are nowhere to be found. Maybe I wasn't really worthy to be pursued.

After few seconds, silence rose up again indicating that my brother wasn't at the front door anymore.

What am I gonna do next? I took the​ blanket away from my face and faced the ceiling with glow in the dark characters. A part of me is now gone, it was just actually a part but it meant a lot, every woman desire to give it to someone special and do it in the most romantic place. But I.... I just gave it inside the car like it's nothing but a freebie. My Mom would surely kill me and sue Keith for that stupidity.

I was intently looking at the ceiling when my door opened and showed up my eight year old brother who's standing in his blue collared-uniform-with-tie-and-keys-on-his-fingers.

He ran towards my bed, jumped into it and hugged me very tight to the point that I cannot breath was all I am expecting the first time he'll see me but I've got a brother who's a brother also of some lunatic creature. He did nothing but laugh hard. I glared him.

"Who told you to get the spare key of my room and enter in my domicile without my permission huh?!" I shouted but it didn't made him scared, well nothing can scare him anyway.

"You look uglier twenty four times seven today, Ate!" And he burst into laughter.

Umupo ako sa kama at tinapon ang mga unan sa kanya, nang naubos ko na lahat ng unan sa kama ang kumot naman sana ang itatapon ko but the lil creature inside my haven ran towards me and hugged me tight, like it was the thing I needed the most at this moment and this time, it's real. He's got tiny arms but it's enough to mend my heart and feel tranquil. This is family, this is home. Pagmamahal na kahit kailan hindi matutumbasan ng sinuman. Niyakap ko siya nang mas mahigpit at umiyak sa maliit niyang mga balikat.

"Ate, I can't breath." Reklamo niya pero mas hinigpitan ko pa lalo ang pagyakap sa kanya. "Ate, stop crying! Mababasa uniform ko!" Sigaw niya malapit sa tenga ko kaya pinakawalan ko at ginulo ang buhok niyang malinis ang pagkakagupit. Lumuhod siya sa kama at lumapit sa pisngi ko, he slowly wiped my unleashed tears.

"Do you want me to steal Father's samurai and kill whoever made you cry?" Pilit akong ngumiti at umiling. "I can honestly do that." Pagpupumilit niya. "I'll get-"

"Matthew pumasok ka na school mo, nobody's liable for these tears. Kay?" Ang mga inonsente niyang mga mata ay tutok na tututok sa akin habang ako ay nagsasalita.

"Then why are you crying?" Tanong niya na para bang kung sakaling sasabihin ko sa kanya magagawan niya ng paraan ang problema ko. Sorry brother, but this is a kind of problem that nobody could solve even those who were thrice of your age.

"PMS." I said in a monotone.

"Alright, PMS." He said nodding but I saw doubt crossed his eyes. Hindi siya naniniwala, I know.

Lumundag siya pababa at kinuha sa maliit na mesa sa tabi ng kama ko ang mga susi na dala niya kanina at diretsong tumungo sa pintuan.

"Fix yourself and go to school, don't let your problem mess your life." He said like a forty year old man before shutting the door.

With pity, I look at the girl on the mirror, she was too pale. Ilang araw na ba siyang nagkukulong sa kwarto niya? Dalawa? Tatlo? Apat? Maga ang mga mata, tuyo ang labi at magulo ang buhok. She's experiencing depression, and she is clearly aware of it. She wanted to forget everything pero hindi niya magawa kasi hinahabol siya ng katotohanan. Katotohanan na nagpaloko siya sa isang taong oportunista. She realized her parents was right, men nowadays were nothing but assholes in their own ways and she regret she defied her parents and trusted that guy. She regretted the fact that she'd fallen on his traps and once in a while thought he's different from her parents' article of faith.

But you know what's ironic about the bitterness she feel? She knows it isn't intended for him, the anger, the rage it was all for herself. It is us who make choices for ourselves, it is us who makes our path therefore it us who should be blamed whatever the repercussions will be.

Hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito? Hanggang kailan ako magmumokmok at magtatago dito sa loob ng kwarto ko? I know I was defeated but until when should I be mourning for my defeat? It couldn't be forever, there's still life outside this room, I still have my friends and of course my family. Kailangan kong bumangon, hindi pwedeng magsaya hanggang katapusan ang lalakeng iyon I should stop his triumphant happiness.