My Book of Randomness 3

Life

I just want to make a serious chapter for once, alright? And before I begin anything, I'd like to apologize first. I'm sorry if I offend you or upset you in some way. I'm just expressing what's on my mind because I'm not able to do that as often as I want.

Anyways

Here I go.

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To be honest, I don't know where to begin. Like a lot of people, I feel out of place. But for me, I feel like it's worse. Like ever since I was little, I was always invisible towards others, unless I did something wrong.

I don't know why though. It was probably my looks. Back then, I used to look like Dora the explorer with bucked teeth but without the olive toned skin. I was hideous. That's probably why I was always the last kid to be picked for groups and I still kinda am till this day 

I had one close friend. Two actually, but she kinda...abused me. But the close friend one...well...she was amazing. We would always hang out after school and we had sleepovers too. But...in third grade, that right was taken away from me. When she slept over my house after her birthday party, we fooled around a bit. Let's just sum things up and I duct taped a piece of paper to my basement wall and when my dad told us to clean up the basement, she ripped it and the paint came off the wall in that area. My parents blamed her and they kinda hate her but I'm not 100% sure. But in the end, it's kinda my fault. I put the paper there in the first place so I should've gotten the blame.

Anyways, after that she would always ask to hang out, but I would say "sorry I'm kinda busy" or "I'll think about it ahah"

But I was afraid

Of my parents

What would they say if I brought the person who "ruined" the basement to my house?

They probably don't want me being friends with her anymore

She would constantly ask and I would refuse

I felt guilty

And I still do

Because now we barely talk to each other anymore.

She sits with me at lunch sometimes

But we don't talk that much

I feel like she ignores me because of how I acted when I was younger

I lied to the only friend I had

We could've been closer

But now we can't

She has her friends

I have mine

But she's friends with my friends

And I'm kinda friends with her friends???

But what I'm trying to say is, when you have the opportunity to hang out with someone, do it. No matter who they are. You don't know what the outcomes would be. That person may become the most important person ever; the most trustworthy person you could ever find. The one who will listen to your problems and not change the topic before you even finish.

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In fifth grade I had a friend. We'll call her A. (No PLL reference. Just that her name started with an a but I'm not gonna say her real name)

A and I were never that close until that year. But...she was one of those friends who you would call a toxic friend. Remember my friend I just talked about? Well now I know how it's like to be in her shoes. I would constantly ask A to hang out with her, but she would always say "oh I'll have to ask my dad".