My Book of Randomness 3

Confusion

Okay so I know I've been like really serious in this story for the past couple of updates, but I just need to because there's many things going on in my life right now and I don't know who to talk about stuff like this anymore.

But anyways, here's another serious chapter.

*clears throat*

Saturday (which was yesterday if you're reading this the second I updated) my parents walk into my room at 7 am ((surprisingly I was still asleep. Jk I woke up at 5 and passed out reading klance a few minutes later)). They told me that I had a new baby cousin.

See, when someone wakes me up while I'm asleep, I can't think straight or do anything right until a few minutes later. So when my parents told me this, I thought I was delusional. I thought I was still dreaming—or actually having a nightmare.

After 10 minutes of what just happened, I sat up from my bed and I kept repeating to myself:

I'm in a coma

This isn't real

My aunt was never pregnant

It's just a nightmare

I'm still asleep

Etc

Yeah sounds kinda bad, but hey...it just happens sometimes. I think.

Anyways, I went the entire day doubting it. I told my parents "oh, you guys are just lying. It's all a hoax. I don't believe it"

But it wasn't.

It was true

My aunt did have a baby

She never told anyone but my uncle

There was no baby shower

And I didn't even notice because my aunt tends to where loose clothing or a large jacket. Plus...she's kinda on the chubby side but like not too much and I don't judge people on their weight or appearance like that.

So yeah

I didn't even notice.

But now...

I don't know

Everything is gonna be different

Nothing will be the same anymore

Believe it or not but I fear for this day to come. I never wanted my aunt to have a child because she'll probably forget about me and my siblings. She'll concentrate on her child more than us. She won't come down to bring me coffee or donuts for my siblings. No new clothes. No help with our homework.

No nothing.

And every time I just sit there, either in the car or in my bed and I think about this, I...I can't describe it. I'm not happy at all, when I should be. I'm probably upset by the fact that she told no one. I wasn't prepared. I don't like these kinds of surprises

It's just gonna change everything

And I have enough stress in my life

My parents even asked me why I'm stressed. I have many reasons, but I gave them the excuse of "it's just school. You know, my grades" They aren't the best grades at the moment but that's alright. Hopefully they'll improve.

But what I told them was just a tiny piece of the puzzle. I can't tell them the real reasons because then they'll question.

Way too much

Until I pour out the entire truth

And boy once they hear that

I'm dead meat.

I can't say the real reason here. Sorry. I could maybe tell people I trust the most in my life, irl or internet, but I'm not sure if anyone would care.

But that stress that I was talking about truly affects me.

And to tell the truth, I cry about someone every night.

No

Not multiple people

Just one

That same person

Every night

They're 100% alive

Thankfully

But I just cry

For many reasons

But

It's not important

It's just a person right?

Someone who means a lot to me

But not so much to them

Anymore

Anyways

Ummm

When I was talking to my mom earlier about the thing with my aunt, she was like "don't you want to spend your life with someone you love and want to have kids with? Don't you want to have a husband?"

...

Okay let's break that down, shall we?

•Spend the rest of your life with someone

Okay cool. I have internet friends mom

What's next?

•with someone you love

Ummmm hmmmm internet friends count right?

Okay good

•and want to have kids with?

Ummm ewwwww nooooo???? I'd rather adopt but like...welcome to the 21st century where every child is corrupted by being cringey.

Soooo

Does a cat and a lizard count?

•dont you want to have a husband

No thanks. Um...I prefer girls??

Yeah

I don't like to talk about my sexuality much.

Let's just say I'm asexual okay?

There we go!!

Okay final thing of the day

Or night

I'm gonna try to update my stories more.

That's right

All of that cringey crap is gonna be updated. Oh boyyyyyy

But I have to do it during the weekends. Most of the time.

Also I may start writing my first gay fanfiction

I'll give you a hint

It's gay

And it's voltron

bET yOu cAnt gUeSS iT

I'm also planning it out in a notebook and I need to be sneaky with it. If my parents read it....

Yeah they're gonna lecture me

I think

Idk

They throw crosses at me or something??

I don't know how my religion deals with gay stuff because I've never talked about it with someone at church before!1!1!-!

-Nikki