A Black Girl Ranting

would i hit my child?

Well lemme start out with this question.

Does hitting your child work?

Well technically? Yes it does "work". 

It "works" because the child learns not to do it again. But it doesn't actually work. 

It doesn't work because the child's mindset is "If I do this, I get hit and that's gonna hurt." They're not going to not do it because they know it's wrong, they're not gonna do it because they don't want to get hurt. So getting hit isn't a lesson as many people like to say. 

I mean sure, tells your child that they're gonna get hit with a belt, hanger, or a heavy hand which in turns scars them. Hitting your child isn't a lesson and can't be a lesson. Hitting your child comes out of anger because you don't know what to do. You don't know what to do, you get irritated, you hit. You get mad at your child for doing so and so, so you hit them. If hitting your child is an immediate response, YOU DO NOT NEED A CHILD. 

Children need to learn. Children make mistakes. You need to explain to them why what they did was a mistake or bad and why they shouldn't do it. Or beforehand explain to them things they shouldn't do or accept when they take a big step in their life, like school, a job, going out in public, etc.

Hitting causes what I would say slight symptoms of PTSD. When you flinch when someone raises a hand at you because you think you gonna get hit or immediately move when it seems someone is gonna hurt you? When you question every single thing you do because of the fear of the consequences that may result AND YOU'RE A GROWN PERSON? Yeah that's a problem.

And by hit, I don't mean a slight pop in the mouth or small slap on the hand for touching something they're not suppose to. I mean getting the belt ready, or grabbing for ya slipper, or hitting your child full handed on the butt and back.

AND ANOTHER THING!

"I'm not my child's friend!"

"I'm their parent, not their friend."

Oh I'm sorry that being a friend to your child is a horrible, wretched thing! Sorry that you don't want your child to see them as someone to depend on when it comes to problems they have and as someone to talk to when their day is going wrong!!

Seriously ... Y'all act like being a parent and being a friend can't be mutually exclusive. 

Yes you are a parent. You care for your child. Put clothes on their back, food in their stomach, and a roof over their head. You teach them right and wrong. 

But caring for your child isn't only physical. It's also emotional. Children need emotional support growing up. They need someone to depend on when their life seems a little bit too hard. And where better else to go to than the people who raise you? Who've known you since birth?

It's a shame I can't go to my mother to talk to about very deep, emotional things like I do with my high school friends because of the whole "I'm your mom, not your friend."

This also ties in with parents denying mental illness and thoughts of suicide, and lacking communication with their kids ... Mostly with Black/Latinx parents tbh but that's another chapter.

You can be a parent AND a friend. You shouldn't have to choose. 

Don't start complaining when your children don't like talking to you about simple stuff like their day because they're scared they're gonna get hit for saying something wrong. Don't start complaining when you find out your children would rather talk to their friends than you about problems happening in their life. That's all on YOU.

Point is? 

I'm not hitting my child. I don't think y'all should either. 

Be a parent and a friend. It won't kill y'all.