I Saw You In The Water [Joshler]

Twenty eight 🐚

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide

Tyler sat in his hospital bed, his dead gaze wandered around the room lazily. He let out a heavy sigh, his lungs were burning with each breath he took and he just wished he would stop breathing but the stupid oxygen tube attached to his face provided him with oxygen he wanted it or not. Tyler sat in the dark hospital room, dominated by a profound sadness, fatigue engraved on his face. He slowly lifted his shaking hand up and raked his fingers through his hair. He looked at the get well soon postcard on his table and angrily knocked it down along with the flowers and treats. The vase fell on the floor and the glass shards flew in all directions. A nurse rushed in and let out a squeak. She stopped just before her feet stepped on the glass. She let out a heavy sigh and went to grab a broom. Another nurse came in and force-fed Tyler his medication. The boy winced in disgust, the bitter tablets went down his throat dryly since he knocked the glass out of the nurse's hands.

He's been in the hospital for five days, the doctors finally let him have visitors and Tyler wished that he hadn't. He didn't want to see anyone, he didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry till he couldn't cry anymore and then die. And that's what he did. He would cry under his blanket, curled up into a ball until his eyes were dryer than the desert but the death he was so desperately yearning for never came. Existence was worse than death because Tyler had nothing. His dad was okay, but that didn't mean that Tyler wanted to see him. The last person he wanted to see was his dad. He never properly explained what happened.

"Josh drowned."

That's what Tyler said to his dad

"Josh drowned."

That's what he told the police

"Josh was drowned."

That's what he would mumble to himself every night surrounded by darkness and the emptiness hollowing his heart. He knew that it was his fault, no one else was responsible. Josh told him that they would kill him and Tyler still didn't get it. It all seemed like a joke, a comedy, mermaids can't be monsters, mermaids live in fairy tales with rainbows and pink fluffy clouds.

Each day was greyer than the other one. The sadness flowed through Tyler's veins and deadened his mind. It was a poison to his spirit, dulling Tyler killing off his other emotions until it was the only one that remained. It was as if a black mist had settled upon the boy and refused to shift, and no matter how bright the day was he would feel no sun and hear no bird songs. For the world was lost to him and Tyler knew of nothing that would bring it back into focus. The summer vacation was going to an end and Tyler stayed inside the whole time, mumbling to himself.

Yet again, Tyler sat in his hospital bed, looking out the window, following the leaves in the wind with his eyes. The summer vacation had ended and he had already skipped two weeks of school because Tyler was at the hospital. The boy was at the hospital because Tyler tried to drown himself for the fifth time.

The boy let out a heavy sigh, his chest ached from all the salt water he had been consuming for the past two months. He hated the lifeguards for doing their jobs. He hated the people because they called the ambulance, he hated the medics, he hated the nurses and he hated the doctors who saved his life. Tyler's chest heaved slowly, it hurt to breathe but most importantly it hurts to be alive while Josh wasn't.

No one imagined how many times Tyler replayed that day in his head thinking how it could've gone better. He spent hours creating scenarios in which he came back home with Josh and his dads and none of Chris' friends had to die. They were "missing", that's what the police said. They all were "missing" just like Josh, the "homeless" kid that no one ever heard about. The "homeless" kid that Tyler was kind enough to take into his home, the "homeless" kid who drowned because neither of the boys could swim.

There was a memorial for the missing people at the bay, it had the photos of Chris's friends who went to the fishing trip with him and a blank photo frame for a boy that no one in the town knew.

Tyler slowly got out of his bed, it was time for him to go back to mom, time for him to go back to school, meet his friends and forget about the worst summer of his life. No one really talked about what actually happened, no one talked about the fact that Tyler came back from the ocean crying and covered in someone else's blood. No one really cared, they all thought that Josh had drowned. They all drowned. The sea took them and there was no way of getting them back.

Tyler walked down the school hallway, everyone's confused gaze as on him. No one knew what happened to that cheerful sarcastic guy who always came back tanned and full of memories of awesome adventures. No one knew where Tyler's happiness and smile went. No one knew where Tyler went. There was no one resembling the Tyler in the slightest. Just a pale, slouching boy with a hood over his head and sunken eyes. Just a boy who had a small shell-shaped necklace resting against his chest as he walked down the hallway, his steps silent as if he was just a shadow.