I Saw You In The Water [Joshler]

Thirty two 🐚

Song: SYML- Where Is My Love

Trigger warning: Depression, mentions of suicide

Tyler laid in his bed, arm thrown over his head to shield his eyes from the light. He heard distant arguing downstairs but didn't really care what the people were saying. He didn't care that he skipped work two days in a row and didn't tell no one. He had planned everything, what's the point if he's gonna die soon anyway. He just wished that his mom would go back to work so Tyler could do what he's planned. But the woman kept arguing with someone over the phone and Tyler was getting more and more impatient. He wanted the woman to get out before he changed his mind. The boy wasn't sure in the first place and the all that waiting made him rethink his decision more and more.

It's not like anyone​ would notice. Tyler was a shadow, a burden. No one cared, he was sure of it. Jay walked past Tyler's room with two fidget spinners. Tyler heard a thunk and someone yelling "ow". Jay walked past Tyler room with one fidget spinner, now rubbing his left eye. Tyler smiled internally but on the outside his face couldn't force a smile. He was so tired of living a life like this. Two years was enough. The doctors said that he's going to get better soon. Time had passed, Tyler was feeling worse. Actually, Tyler wasn't feeling anything at all. He became numb and indifferent.

Tyler knew that he was useless. Twenty year old man living in his mothers house, a useless piece of meat who can't even walk to work that's two minutes away from his home. Who would want him?  Who would need him. Zack told Tyler countless times to get rid of that damn necklace because it's only bringing him back bad memories and weighting the boy down. There was no way that Tyler would get rid of the necklace. It was the only thing left for him that reminded him of Josh. The ring too. Tyler sighed and rubbed his ring finger. They could've gotten married. Josh would've been alive if not his stupid arrogance.

Tyler lifted his heavy head off the bed when Kelly walked into the room. She looked around Tyler's messy living space and let out a heavy sigh.

"How are you feeling, pumpkin? " the woman said softly

Tyler let out a quiet hum, he didn't feel like talking, he didn't feel like doing anything at all. Kelly softly ran her fingers through Tyler's messy brown hair. Tyler let out a heavy sigh and turned his head towards his mother.

"Zack is gonna help you to pack your bags, okay? " Kelly said softly

"Bags? " Tyler croaked

"Well, It's summer sweety, and everyone missed dad."

"I don't wanna go... " Tyler murmured "Go without me. "

Kelly let out a sigh.

"We can't go without you. "

"But I don't wanna go. " Tyler sniffled "I'm sorry f-for ruining your vacation."

"It's okay, we can think of something else. " Kelly smiled softly

Tyler crawled up to his mom and wrapped his arms around her. Kelly heard Tyler sniffling and hugged the boy softly.

"Mom, don't leave me home alone, don't let me close my bedroom door, please. "

"Tyler, what do you mean? "

"D-don't let m-me kill myself, please." Tyler sobbed

"Mom?" A soft voice called

Madison stood in the hall holding her bags.

"Zack is waiting, are we still going?"

"Y-yes." Tyler let out a muffled whimper "I'll pack my bags..."

"Mom..." Madison bit her lip anxiously, her eyes already filling with tears

"I'll help him pack, go tell Zack." Kelly said

Madison nodded and went downstairs.

"Tyler, darling, we all love you. Tyler, look at me." the boy lifted his head up "And of you think that you're a burden to us you're wrong."

"But I'm useless." Tyler sniffled

"You're my son." Kelly kissed Tyler's forehead "You could never be a burden and you're not useless. "

Tyler nodded weakly and wrapped his arms tighter around the woman.

"Are you hungry? The trip is gonna be long."

"Y-yes. " Tyler nodded "Mom, I'm so hungry... I'm so hungry..."

"Come." Kelly lifted Tyler off his bed and walked with him to the kitchen

Zack went to pack Tyler's stuff for him while the boy ate. Jay showed Tyler memes on his phone wanting to cheer the boy up. A weak smile curved the corners of Tyler's mouth. First smile in two years.

Tyler sat on the backseat, a blanket on his legs. He felt so exhausted but this time he was gonna keep fighting. He was tired of being pathetic.

Tyler fell asleep a few times during the ride. He had earphones in quietly playing music. Tyler felt the familiar salty breeze in his nostrils, when he opened his eyes he saw the sun slowly sink down painting the sky red. The bright colour bled out into the dark sky mixing night and day. Tyler realized that he hadn't seen the sunset in a while. He looked at the bleeding sky and it was beautiful.

The boy started recognizing the city, all the buildings looked familiar but also different. He hasn't seen his dad in almost a year. He didn't want to see anyone who reminded the boy of the ocean. It wasn't Chris' fault, Tyler knew that and felt guilty. He just couldn't help it. He wasn't ready to see his dad a year ago but now Tyler knew that he had the strength.

The car stopped, all Tyler's siblings hopped out of the car squealing, even Zack did. Tyler let out a heavy sigh. Everyone was waiting for him. The boy finally decided that it's time and opened the car door.

A familiar salty smell hit his nostrils like a strong punch. The boy heard the ocean hum peacefully, the wind brought back nostalgic memories.