daddy • Lil Xan

69

Diego's POV

my heart was breaking. I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought that maybe for once, I had found a girl I could treat right. but no. I ruined her. I dont deserve her. I don't deserve anyone. 

I look up to Madeline and she looked at me with fear in her eyes as I sat there on the floor.

"im so fucking depressed Madeline....ive been so sad...my thoughts have been scaring me...so bad lately.." I croak. 

she closes the door. and drops down on her knees in front of me. our eyes are leveled, looking into each others souls.  she grabs my hands and tears roll down her face. 

we don't say anything verbally.  our eyes say everything we've been dying to say.

when I looked into hers, I saw a beautiful girl, so perfect, but so broken inside. and I did this to her. I might not have done it first, but I promised her I wouldn't hurt her. and I did it anyways. 

what does she see when she looks into my eyes?

" I need you to listen to me." she squeezes my hands. 

" I love you. and I never want what we have to end, but you can't keep hurting me !! you, a human being, are capable of so much!  good ...and bad....my life has been in your hands... and youve been fucking killing me!!!! every time!!!! you killed me the day I found you in the coffee shop!! you killed me the day I saw you leave in the parking lot. and you killed me this time too...." she gets up and goes towards the closet. 

" what are you doing.." I wipe my tears. 

" I'm going to go order another room. and were going to spend some time apart." 

" what...no...please...." I beg. 

" Diego. I don't know what to do!"  she cries out. 

" man...." 

" CAN YOU BLAME ME DIEGO??? FOR BEING SO HEARTBROKEN????" she yells. 

" no..." I whisper. 

"yeah...exactly..." she walks out the door. 

after she leaves, I go to the dresser beside the bed, and I pulled out the box. 

I opened it and it shined so bright. 

I planned on proposing to her on this trip... 

" I ruined everything....." I start crying, saying to myself out loud.  

guys so I have an idea for another book, I wanted to write one in loving memory of Lil Peep. because I know a lot of us are still taking his death very hard, I know for a fact I am. he was my role model, he helped me through many, many, episodes of depression for me. and every time I met him, keeps replaying in my fucking head and it drives me insane. I watch every single video I took with him every day. especially the one when I first met him...god it was so surreal. and I've had a lot of my readers message me for comfort and help, because some of y'all too, are taking this hard. id travel around the country just to see him. he meant so much to me...   and I wanted to try to keep him alive in our minds, and heart through a book. should I do this? id still be continuing this book,and id still update just as much as I am now.  but if it sounds like a dumb idea, then I won't. so please message and let me know what you guys think of this idea. but anyways, I'm updating more tonight!