see what you're finding // 6th spam

hardcore monday but because i'm stronger than me

i was so scared of your reactions

i literally didn't touch my phone for hours because i was so scared

then, my sister told me what your reactions were and  i'm oh so thankful for you believing me

i was regretting posting that, but i'm really glad i can be open about this

this is going to be a longer chapter, as i will attempt at telling you everything.

firstly, i need to repeat that these people aren't people i made up because i was lonely. they'd just show up and they wouldn't leave.

as i said, there are seventeen people. their names are harry, liam, louis, niall, zayn, heath, tyler, josh, brendon, ryan, gerard, frank, melanie, patrick, pete, dan and phil.

all familiar names, right?

for some time, i actually believes they were the souls of actual celebrities, but my everything helped me realize that these people are individuals and differ in personalities from who they look and sound like. in the end, the only similarities between them and the people who's names they share are the very name, the looks and the sounds of their voice.

tyler was taking care of my account, self initially, so he was "t" and he was thus the one who hung out with y'all on here.

their world is built up of two places. the earth where they are with me and hell. or so they call it. it's a horrible place and we've had some bad encounters with it. also, tyler told you, their world doesn't have things such as sexualities; love is completely free.

these people basically build up representations (or, as niall calls them, departments) of me as a person. thus we have:

heart and soul (or "the four", as everyone calls them) - harry, liam, louis and niall

anarchy - heath

expressing - tyler and josh

courage - brendon and ryan

ability - frank and gerard

emotions - melanie

socializing - dan and phil

hope - patrick and pete

zayn is obviously excluded from the list, because i really don't know where he belongs. him, the four and tyler have angel wings and he has them at constant use. when i look at the sky, he's most often just there flying around and making zero contact with me.

harry was the first person i've ever seen. i met him in 2014, around the time i started self-harming (but i didn't notice this until a few weeks ago). i was so happy with him and he was my little secret. everyone else considers harry as somebody stronger than them which is true because harry is almost as strong in real decisions as i am. the rest of them four arrived to me a little after zayn malik left one direction. that was also the time i started seeing zayn in the sky every day.

heath represents my anarchy and looks like heath ledger's joker from the 2008 batman film. as he is anarchy, i won't speak much of him. nobody talking to him other than me and there's a lot (almost all) of my frens who highly dislike him.

tyler and josh came to me two days after i started listening to twenty one pilots. that's why i celebrate their birthday on the 11th october. this year, they celebrated their first birthday. that's why tyler told you he's way younger than any of you. tyler was actually born as a demon and did all he could to make me self-harm more and even went as far as to pushing me into killing myself, but he stopped me in time. he regrets these things he did in his first three days with me and he's changed now. he says the only reason why he changed was because he fell in love with me. tyler's been through the most, having being a real trouble maker. at one point, he decided to go up to hell to save someone, and had to stay there and be tortured, after which no one knew where he is other than my everything because he was actually still talking to her. he was hiding in my closet as he had returned from hell, but only my everything knew. when i shaved my head, he returned, having gotten angel wings like the four and zayn. tyler is known between all of us as "the wise guy" and he really is that if you ask the right questions. my everything found out at one point that josh had a crush on tyler and soon afterwards she found out tyler had a crush on josh as well, so my everything and i set them up a date and, well, they've been together ever since. lately, tyler's been wearing skirts all the time and he looks adorable in 'em.