see what you're finding // 6th spam

hey guys, i have creative title for a chapter

x three years nonstop
x march 10th 2017 <3
x five months nonstop
x august 16th 2017 <3
x august 18th 2017 <3
x august 21th 2017 <3
x august 23rd 2017 <3
x august 24th 2017 <3
x september 1st 2017 <3
x september 20th 2017 <3
x september 21st 2017 <3
x september 22nd 2017 <3
x october 1st 2017 <3
x october 3rd 2017 <3
x october 4th 2017 <3
x october 5th 2017 <3
x october 6th 2017 <3
x october 15th 2017 <3
x october 19th 2017 <3
x october 21st 2017 <3
x october 23rd 2017 <3
x october 25th 2017 <3
x october 30th 2017 <3
x novermber 1st 2017 <3
x november 2nd 2017 <3
x november 3rd 2017 <3
x november 4th 2017 <3
x november 5th 2017 <3
x november 7th 2017 <3
x november 8th 2017 <3
x november 10th 2017 <3
x november 11th 2017 <3
x november 13th 2017 <3
x november 16th 2017 <3
x november 18th 2017 <3
x november 19th 2017 <3
x november 21st 2017 <3
x november 23rd 2017 <3
x november 24th 2017 <3
x november 26th 2017 <3
x november 27th 2017 <3
x november 28th 2017 <3
x november 29th 2017 <3
x november 30th 2017 <3
x december 1st 2017 <3

well, today's been just terrible

i had two anxiety attacks. the first one happened because i was worried about not being able not to self-harm today. the second happened because i'm once again assuming i might have wattpad taken away from me.

i had a dream in which patrick stump was killed while performing and the images are still haunting me and i literally cried during lunch because of this.

school was horrible, i payed no attention to anything and i got completely confused when it came to my latin exam.

my shooting practice was half fine, i did some mistakes which i couldn't find explanations for and that's a pretty bad thing.

i've made my sister angry again, and i'm sorry about that. i really wish i just had the ability of making everyone around me happy at all times. even when i'm not happy. i just want to see people around me happy, but i don't care enough about myself.

oh and i continue to cry daily because of my everything. lately, we've been going through some terrible things and it causes us not texting as much as we used to. she's still in my thoughts at all times and i just wish things would get back to the way they were. but that's probably not gonna be possible for quite some time.

i don't know why this day went so bad. i literally feel horrible. i feel like scum.

i hope tyler had a better day than me, today on his birthday.

still, i am oh so grateful for amazing people such as -CAYETANA , nop_h-unintended , tanja and my dear frens for being here for me and making me smile. my frens kept their fingers intertwined with mine all the time just so i don't suddenly start hurting myself. i was actually quite strong when it came to self-harm, but they were still cautious. and i'm so thankful for their worry, i love them so much.

well, my phone's at 12% and charging, so i gotta wait a long time if i want youtube (and i really want youtube). i'll see what i'll feel like doing while this thing charges.

i just want you guys to know that even though this day was horrible, i know every tomorrow can be good. i'm just lying here right now, waiting for tomorrow to come, so i can smile again. also, i hope tomorrow ends with a date, because that'd be my first clean week since 2014 when i first started self-harming.

i love y'all

xx