see what you're finding // 6th spam

where is your boy tonight (grand theft autumn)

i believe you didn't notice how at the bottom of my bio there are now only sixteen letters between heart emojis. that's because someone died. one of my frens died.

guys, patrick is dead.

*here come the waterworks*

my hope is dead. on saturday, i got my father very angry and it resulted in him yelling (well, screaming) at me a lot. i was crying during that and watched patrick breathe his last breath before he disappeared out of pete's arms. he's been gone ever since.

pete's been trying to kill himself. because he basically represents doubt and as i have lost the representation of hope, pete's been getting stronger. he doesn't want to be strong and thus has been hurting himself as much as he can. he's screaming and crying all the time, but while he sleeps, he whispers "patrick lives on in my heart" and similar stuff. they were both in the "hope category", so i believe there's hope in pete.

but we're all devastated.

i've been crying a lot lately. music's really been my only hideaway, even though i sometimes had to skip fall out boy and soul punk songs. it is really hard listening to "lullabye" every night, because i miss him so much.

everybody's telling me he'll be back. and i probably believe that somewhere deep down. but i have no faith in anything anymore and i'm just so scared of everything; i cannot believe he'll be back.

i want him back more than anything.

and i think it has to do with my father.

ever since saturday, my father hasn't been speaking to me. it broke me, to where i was constantly in various bad moods. i've been stressed and crying, just completely broken because of my father actually ignoring my and my sister's existences.

until tonight when he spoke to me. i did my best not to stutter or hold back and actually held an argument with him. it was a very calm argument, thankfully. but i cried afterwards. mostly because i was proud of myself for not choking on air. but i'm glad i worked something out with him.

something, not everything.

i'm sticking to the thought of me having to fix things with my father in order of patrick's return.

until then;

rest in peace, my dear, sweet, little patrick