see what you're finding // 6th spam

i'm scared

i'm not sure if the contents of this could trigger anyone, but i'm still putting this as a trigger warning because i want you to be safe and happy

i've been debating with myself for a while now and i'm still unsure of the words i'm gonna write but i feel so helpless

i really don't know what to do

ever since sunday, a's been doing so bad and she's constantly sad and when i ask her why she just says she doesn't know

i think her shooting practice upset her last night because she told me about wanting pills and wanting a therapist after the practice. i told her to calm down, and she thankfully did.

and she cries at the smallest things. a g note and she's done. she literally cried in school today while looking at pictures in her phone's gallery just because of the pictures.

i really don't know what's troubling her thoughts :c

we were up in her and her sister's room a minute ago. at one point, she just made the room black and turned on the speaker, playing freaking fall out boy's "what a catch, donnie" at max volume and i know she starts crying just thinking about that song so i knew i was gonna have to watch her cry now.

and i let her cry herself out? i think that was a good decision...

but when the song finished, she grabbed her fake mic and played wttbp and literally screamed out most of the whole song. i didn't know how to react. she was just there crying and screaming in front of me and i was frozen in the corner.

and after that, she played "headfirst for halos" and screamed out that one as well

she's hurt herself so much today and now this...

right after the screaming, we left the room and she went downstairs to the bathroom. i'm waiting for her because we have to go pick up her sister from school.

i went onto wattpad because i don't know who else to turn to. i'm not allowed to talk to a fren who i'd usually talk to due to reasons, my boyfren is with a few of our frens among whom is a guy who gets vv angry with a when she hurts herself so i don't want him to know anything and i'm scared of talking to other people.

i want to help her so bad, but i don't know how to :c

sorry if this all sounded whiny, but i just worry for my fren and i don't know what to do

please stay alive

-t