Story belongs to Elireide @ A03
Defenders of the Universe, huh?
Journal
Date: Haven’t had one yet. Whatever.
I thought saving the universe would be a pretty killer job. But, honestly, it’s more work and heartache than I was ready for. So much for being a super cool hero, huh? I’d rather be a nobody back home than this.
Between saving planets, almost dying and never quite being good enough to match the others, being a paladin basically sucks most of the time. I mean, sure it’s kinda cool that we are saving aliens and making the universe a safer place or whatever, but I want to have friends again, damnit. I want to be a normal goddamn teenager again.
My place within the Paladins has become relatively clear to me. The others either forgot, or just don’t know, that I am smart. So, I guess I should forget too, right? After all, if my place isn’t as the castle’s jester, then what good am I? Everyone else has someone.
Hunk has Pidge. They are all sciencey together.
Keith has Shiro. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they were brothers.
Allura has Corran. I mean...obviously they are close. They’re the only Alteans here.
I know I should be happy that I get to see everyone be happy. But, sometimes it’s hard to defend a universe you don’t feel like you belong in.
As childish as it sounds, I just want to go home. At home, I belong. There, I’m important. I’m not just around to make someone laugh or let someone blow off steam.
It’s stupid to miss somewhere you might not ever return but I really can’t help it most of the time. At night, I just dream of being back again. Getting to see everyone once more. Not knowing the chaos that’s going on in our universe. Heck, just not knowing that Earth might be destroyed at any given day would be better than this.
At least when I was on Earth, when I was anxious, I could tell stories to Allita and Fernán and it could calm my nerves. Mom would make cinnamon tea and we would sit on the porch swing. Sometimes we would say nothing and yet, I always felt better. We would sit out there for hours and just enjoy the quietude of the outdoors until I felt calm enough to go back to...whatever I’d been doing.
But in space there is no cinnamon tea. No porch swings. No bedtime stories. Space is just trial after trial and an endless night sky. I miss the sunrise. And the sunset. I want to see it again.
Ok, reason #3...cinnamon tea.
