24
If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.
How do you keep from falling in love? How do you pretend that everything is fine forever? Waking in the morning to the sleeping face of the man I was sure I hated, sleeping peacefully, having not moved so much as a single muscle all night...How do you ignore wanting that to become a regular thing?
What does it mean when the only things you want seem like impossibilities trapped behind impenetrable walls? What does it really mean when you keep fighting each day but have no motivation left? Is it bravery? Or stupidity?
Who do you turn to when your heart tells you such conflicted things but your head tells you, just ignore it all? Sweep it all away under the rug. Lock the door and never look back. You are lost and being found won’t be so easy.
When do you wave the white flag and give up? When is it finally alright for you to admit there is nothing more you can do to keep yourself going? The toy soldier you’ve become has run out of batteries. The wind up power on his back has snapped. There’s no way to fix it, so throw it away.
Why should I keep fighting when everything I love is gone or oblivious? Why is it so hard to watch your hero ignore you? Why am I here? Of all the things, that is what I wish to know more than anything. Why me?
Where will we end up tomorrow? Where will I see my last sky? Where will the others leave me behind, tired of watching me fail over and over?
The only way to fix this is to hide away the real Lance. Pretend he isn’t real. Take out that spirit and hang it on a hanger in the back of my closet. Close the doors and grab the mask off the shelf. Smile again, make a joke, don’t let them see what is really there. If they did, everyone would find Lance even more annoying, right? Just a cry baby. Just a child trapped in space playing with his robot.
The real Lance must disappear for me to make it through this.
After all, I’ve disappeared to everyone else.
#24 - secrets
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Ik most of you will ignore this, but I'm gonna try anyway.
I need a book title and a co-author.
I'm making a book about an interracial couple in the 1930s and I I title. Help.
I'm also bringing back the bonds! Hah..I need a co-author for it so I can have inspiration to write it. For detail on it. Pm me?
