#23
Solid math.
Knock knock
Lance had his headphones on and was listening to the same bit of music over and over again. He is staring up to the ceiling, completely oblivious to the knock on the door. His eyes are glistening though the tears aren’t really falling anymore. Lost in his daydream, Lance doesn’t realize that Keith has opened the door. Sometime during the second week of their night talks, Lance had told him the password to his room, for occasions like this.
Unaware he is being watched, Lance closes his eyes for a bit and hums along to the song, pretending the world where it came from was not so far away. It brings a bittersweet smile to his face, mixing strangely with the dried tears.
For a moment, Keith isn’t sure he should stay. It’s not like Lance to look like this. Isn’t Lance always happy and ready for the next adventure? Scratching his face, Keith takes a deep breath and decides to sit down. When he does, Lance about jumps out of his skin before ripping his headphones off his head.
“Keith?!” He blurts out before hoping he doesn’t look too miserable. “What’s up, buddy?”
“I think I should be asking you that.” Keith responds quickly before relaxing back onto the bed. He watches with an eyebrow raised as Lance shakes his head and shrugs.
“I’m not really sure what you mean.” Lance plays it off by smiling quickly and being ‘happy Lance.’ He sits up suddenly then turns off his music. “How’s Shiro holding up?”
“Surprisingly well.” Keith puts his hand up to stop Lance as he opens his mouth to say something else. “Talk to me.”
“Isn’t that my line?” Lance says with a lopsided smile.
“Usually.”
The two of them sit in silence for a bit as Lance decides if he actually wants to tell Keith whats on his mind. He fidgets a bit, twiddling his thumbs and running his fingers through his hair before finally exhaling and looking up to Keith. The red paladin sits, patiently waiting to hear what is on Lance’s mind.
“I’m..not really sure where to start, man.” Lance admits finally.
“Try at the beginning?” Keith responds simply which draws an exasperated sigh from Lance’s lips.
“The beginning, huh?” Lance clears his throat and laughs absentmindedly. “You sure you want to listen to me rambling that long?”
Keith just looks around as if to say, what else am I going to do?
And with that, Lance slumps over a bit and finally allows himself to speak much of what he’s kept to himself since day one.
“I hate this.” Lance says plainly. He watches as Keith’s eyes open a little wider in surprise. “Like, it was cool for a day or two. Then the weight of everything hit me. And it’s so stupid. I don’t want to complain. You all have it worse than me! I mean, you - you -” He shakes his head and refuses to finish that thought. “I just keep hoping to wake up and realize this is all some bad dream. I’m not good enough, I have no goals. I don’t know how to be a paladin and yet everyone just seems to assume it’s so natural! Like, what about any of this is natural?! I just want to go home and be a normal kid again!” Somewhere between his rambling, Lance had started to cry again and didn’t even realize it.
