33
Keith didn't realize he was nearly falling asleep where he sat until Shiro came up and put a hand on his shoulder. It made him jump before turning to the man who was like a brother to him.
"Shiro." Keith says suddenly. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, nothing." Shiro says dismissively. "Just, why don't you go get some sleep?"
"I can't sleep."
"At least try." Shiro says calmly. "Lance would want it. And we need everyone at their best when it's go time."
Keith doesn't say anything for a while. He listens to the radio. It's quiet so it must be late. All he can hear is Lance's unsteady breathing. More than Keith would like to admit, it pains him to hear Lance so quiet. In the past few days, he realizes he's come to rely on that voice to bring him out of his funk. The halls of the castle are quiet and ominous without him singing or riling up the others.
At last, Keith nods and gets up. He had planned to go to his room but ended up in front of Lance's instead. Looking at the door to the blue paladin's room, Keith wasn't sure what he was thinking. Why am I going here? It's not like Lance is here. This is stupid.
But he opened the door anyway.
Once inside, he was struck with the familiar scent of Lance It was odd because before that moment, he hadn't particularly paid any attention to how anyone smelled. But, this was a pleasant scent. Something like the smell of summer wind. For a moment, Keith found himself lulled, forgetting that this was only Lance's room, not the idiot himself.
He stops and looks down at the table. The writing on the open page was Lance's. It was frustrated, angry writing, scribbled onto the thin paper in rough scratches. Without meaning to pry, Keith bent down to look at the words there.
WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?!
This is a trap. I can feel it. I have said so numerous times, well, tried to say so numerous times, but no one has listened. Instead, they want to push forward to see what we should do.
I think we should do anything but what that asshole wants. It's a horrible idea. All of this is.
#27 - being listened to again
#28 - Getting home
"Being listened..." Keith voices the line quietly then flips to the front of the notebook. When he reads the words there, his eyes grow wide.
Reasons for my heart to keep beating.
Then, slowly Keith began to read. All the pain Lance had been holding in swells over him in this unrealistically powerful wave. His eyes water, somehow able to hear Lance's voice saying all of this. Especially after their nights together where Lance recollected memories and stories one after the other.
Late night talks with Keith
Keith's hair
Keith's return
Keith doesn't realize he's started to cry until the tear hit the page beneath him. It was tears for Lance's pain, tears for the fact that he can't do anything. Even more, it was tears that there is someone who really cares for him. That idiot, despite his loudmouthing and stupid pickup lines, despite his obnoxious laugh and even though he still liked to hit on everything in this stupid universe, Lance actually cared about him. It showed in what he said on these pages and what he didn't.
Despite his obvious friendship with Hunk and his idolization of Shiro, it was Keith that was mentioned most in these pages. And not just how Keith looks or what he says, but he fears for Keith and listens to his stories and wants to be there for him.
All of this only causes Keith to cry more, lost between the longing to want to save Lance and the anger with himself that he never said more. He collapses onto Lance's bed, swollen eyes and burning chest, Keith holds the notebook as he attempts to calm himself. If they don't save this boy, Keith will never forgive himself.
Lance cared for him, and Keith left him. All his life, he's been left behind and he never stopped to think he might be doing the same to someone else. God, if he'd had any idea...
