Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.
Date: I don’t know
Everyone else is celebrating. They are all so relieved to have Shiro back and safe (?)
I...should be happy about this right? So, why do I feel so anxious? We have our leader back. He’s with us again. Now we can get back on course and make our way back home faster...right?
But, since he came back…
Well, since he came back all I can think about is...what now?
There’s too many of us to pilot the lions. Blue won’t accept me anymore and Red is harder to control. Keith was better with Red than I was… am...whatever. So, what happens when we all need to go out again? Who gets left behind
As if I have to think about that. I know who it is.
And, sure, that’s been a big part of the issue. I want to be part of the team. I want to help. And it really is bothering me what will happen but since Shiro came back…
Nights have gotten lonely again.
I had a feeling it would happen if Shiro came back. I was just a replacement. Of course, I was. I mean… Shiro is like a brother to him. Keith just wanted someone to help keep him distracted while he was gone.
Gosh this is stupid. I shouldn’t be this upset over something that never happened anyway. But...here I am. I miss that stupid idiot’s awkward conversation and blank stare when I make a pun he just doesn’t get. His hands were always warmer than mine, which was cool since I get cold more than I’d like to admit. Him sleeping at the side of the bed reminded me more of home. Sure, it was weird at first, but eventually it just kinda became normal.
Now it’s just quiet again. And I hate it. I hate how quiet it is out here. I never realized how much I relied on sound when I was home. But now my ears ring all the time. I can hear my heartbeat against the pillow and instead of reminding me I’m alive, it makes me wonder for how long.
How long will we be out here? How long will we manage to survive? When will we get into a fight we can’t escape?
…
…
At least if I’m not able to help anymore, I might make it back to earth?
If any of us make it back that is.
#14 - Hope
