25
I told Keith there were two things I was afraid of.
Two is pretty much a lie. But, at the same time, it’s the most true.
I told him I was afraid of failing. Or of being a failure. And that is true.
What if I fail my team? What if I fail at returning home? What if I fail to be the better paladin that I believe I can be? What if I fail to prove myself? What if I fail to ever again hear the voice of my mama or the rest of the family.
All of that is basically one big fear.
But the other one was harder to voice. It’s something I’d only recently started to admit even to myself. It’s almost like the first one, a fear of failing in a way. But I don’t think it fits under the same category.
My other biggest fear, and one I’m fairly sure most of the group doesn’t have, is the fear that something will happen to Keith.
Trust me, I know how stupid it sounds. I know how stupid it is. Especially since I am certain he wouldn’t think the same about me. But, the more I learn about him, the more I know what a past he’s had, the more I cannot help but long to be the reason he is happy. Or, maybe I can be the reason he gets to go back to Earth and find a reason to be happy. I guess it doesn’t matter so long as I’ll get to know that Keith finally has a reason to be happy.
I want to see him smile. And not one of those embarrassed smiles or those ‘I’m gonna fuck these enemies up’ smiles. More than most things nowadays, I want to see him smile in a way that says, ‘ I finally know what it means to be happy.’ I can’t say it to his face because he will probably just laugh at me. But it’s the truth.
While the others probably don’t realize it, I will do anything I can to make that stubborn idiot happy. I will step back and let him have the glory now. If he decides something, I might not agree - and I’ll tell them all that - but if it’s what he really wants, I won’t fight it. He hasn’t told me much about his past over all this time, but he’s said enough with his silence that it’s obvious to me what I have to do.
I have known happiness for most of my life. I was accepted at home and loved. Sure, I’ve had my share of failures, but nothing to outweigh the good I had. And of all the people I never expected to learn that lesson from, it was my enemy. Or who I once saw as my enemy anyway.
Maybe one day, I will tell him and he will be glad to know that someone is looking out for him.
“Come on Lance, we’ve gotta go!” Hunk shouts through the door.
“Coming! Sorry!” Lance nods down to the paper and grabs his helmet before taking off out the door. Another day, another mission. Another thousand thoughts spinning in his head. Everyone will say he makes mistakes, but it’s hard to focus when you have so much going on in your head.
#25 - Fears
--
I'm losing interest in wattpad. I'm taking a break, I'll be back whenever.
