Stars can’t shine without darkness.
A few more quiet days.
Quiet.
#15 - the sound of waves
#16 - the sound of the wind pushing past trees
#17 - the sound of Allita and Fernán laughing at my silly jokes
#18 - the sound of happiness
Have I listed happiness before?
It’s hard to remember why sometimes. Maybe I should list a bit more.
#19 - Rainbows forming in the mist
#20 - The rain
#21 - The smell of rain at night
Sometimes I pretend that I’m fine. I lie. I put on this mask for everyone.
Lance the brave! Lance the flirt! Lance who is full of laughter!
But if I’m really honest with myself, sometimes I do that just to forget that all I want to do is hide in my room. I want to ignore the universe and pretend things aren’t as bad as they are. Most people think being depressed is a mood or a style of dress. But those people are wrong. Depression is waking up and forcing yourself to remember “those around me do not know me and they never will.” Depression is being numb instead of brave. Depression is waking up and looking at your face in the morning, wondering why it’s looking back at you.
I thought I was getting better. I hoped a new world with boundless possibilities would bring out parts of me I never imagined. But, it only made me realize what I didn’t like. I don’t like being lonely. I don’t like not knowing what will happen tomorrow. I hate pretending that everything is ok.
I hate happy Lance. I wish he would disappear.
Story belongs to Elireide @ A03
