Silver Wings {Jungkook x Reader}

THIRTY-THREE

Jungkook's POV

At the sound of her confession, my body stiffens as my brain operates on overdrive in an attempt to process the shocking and unbelievable information that had just been dumped on my shoulders. Her words play on repeat through my mind, reiterating her confession like a scratched record as they slowly pour a warm feeling that fizzles in the pit of my stomach.

W-What? She... She has feelings for me?

Among the writhing throng of warring emotions, relief and joy emerge triumphant, but is quickly pursued by an old friend of mine that I call fear. It's a relief to hear the words that I've always wanted to hear leave her lips, but it also drives a wedge of worry into my thrumming heart. Now that I have her and we both feel the same towards each other, ruins of fear for her safety and what might happen if the angels get their hands on her begin to rise in my chest. Nothing good ever lasts for long, as I have been taught every day of my life until now. I want to be able to freely hold her and cuddle with her until the day fades to night; I want to be able to wake her up by showering her precious face with soft kisses; I want to be able to call her mine.

But I can't.

Not without living in fear for her wellbeing.

I want to be able to cast aside my terror and concerns and take her into my arms without worry of tomorrow, but I can't.

Too many people have walked out of my life and have had their lives stolen from them already, and it's gotten to the point where I can no longer accept love without worry and fear forcing their way into the crevices of my mind.

(Y/N) blinks up at me from her place encompassed within my arms, regret beginning to spark in her beautiful silver gaze as she notices my blatant failure to respond. Her composure shifting like countless grains of sand tumbling from their once-firm structure, she seemingly crumbles beneath my touch. Tears brim in her eyes, the gold in her silver orbs reflecting the agony of rejection as she quickly tears her gaze away from my pleading one. Her arms fall limply to her sides, so now it's only me who is clinging stubbornly to her.

"Never mind, I shouldn't have said anything. Please forget what I said." Her once-sultry and smooth voice is now cracking with embarrassment and pain. She attempts to step away, but I refuse to loosen my hold on her.

"No, wait. Just wait." I plead with her, but she refrains from looking up at me.

"What?" Finally, (Y/N) jerks her head up to glare at me, but her eyes are raw with unfallen tears. "It's clear that you don't feel the same, and that's absolutely fine. But please let me go, because you are making it that much harder to keep it together."

"No, you don't understand." I take a deep breath. "(Y/N), my angel... it's not that I don't have feelings for you. It's that it's impossible for me to love."

"What are you talking about?" Her gaze turns questioning.

"I've lost too many loved ones in my life, more than you could ever fathom. My heart has been shattered time and time again, sewn back together with threads of fear until terror and concern of a loved one's wellbeing shakes up my mind and my heart permanently. I can no longer love anyone... because I am... afraid." A tremor engulfs my voice, salty tears stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. It is because of this fear that I am forced to surrender the only woman that I have ever looked upon with affection and truly loved. I resent it.

"So you can't love... because you're afraid of feeling the pain of losing someone?"

I nod numbly and she tentatively reaches up, caressing my jawline with her warm fingertips that transfer heat all throughout my body and melt the ice that I've struggled to encage my heart with once more. I lean into her touch and she presses her palm against my cheek, supporting my head while she blinks up at me with watery eyes that swim with empathy and love.