Innocence Lost

Chapter 39

There was a light shuffling in the room that woke me from my sleep. I popped my head up from my pillow and saw that Brendan was up and ready to go.

What time is it?

Glancing over at the clock I saw it was only 5:30 am. I sighed as I watched him walk out the door. I was exhausted and lucky to have fallen asleep at all since all I've been thinking about was Eric and our little talk last night. He had broke my heart and I felt pathetic for letting it happen.

I laid in bed thinking since I couldn't sleep anymore. I lost my virginity to one of the Dauntless leaders and I'm supposed to act normal about it? How do I even do that? It's not like I could even say anything, he would get scrutinized for it and I. . . I'll become fractionless.

Am I overthinking this?

By 6am my anxiety got the best of me and I jumped out of bed. I decided to take a quick shower to help ease my nerves before training.

It didn't help.

Soon everyone else started to wake up and got ready for the long day ahead.

"I seriously can't wait until initiation is over" Amanda groaned as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"A little more than a week left" Tyler said.

"Yeah, makes me nervous" Amanda said.

Tyler wrapped his arms around her waist "Don't worry, you got this babe"

Watching Amanda and Tyler act all lovey dovey was weird. They are either all over each other or they are fucking around with other people. With Ryker away from Dauntless, Amanda hadn't left Tyler's side. I just hope it stays that way and she sees Ryker for what he truly is. He and Eric are two peas in a pod.

After breakfast the walk to the training room was quiet. When we got there I glanced around and was pleasantly surprised to see Four and Lauren standing in the middle of the room, without Eric. I kept my fingers crossed in hopes that he wouldn't show. I felt Four's eyes on me but when I looked his way they were front and center again. Four had been a bit distant since the whole incident with my sim last week. I admit that I missed him. Not just his help but his friendship. I guess I ruined that too.

After stretching, Four made us run laps to warm up. Then he made us do countless sit-ups and push ups before heading over to the weight machines for a bit. Since tomorrow we will be fighting against Dauntless members he paired us up to practice sparring after weight training. I was paired with Thomas. We went over basic kicks and punches, over and over again. Four and Lauren also demonstrated a few combo moves, wanting us to practice them and make up our own. By the time we broke for lunch I was a sweaty mess.

I wanted to talk to Four alone but Lauren was still around. Guess I'll have to wait until later, I can't take the awkwardness anymore. When we got to the dining hall we sat at our usual table and I filled my plate with vegetables and grilled chicken. I looked up at the leaders table and no one was there. Okay, fine, I was looking for Eric. He must be doing something real important to be MIA all day. Who knows if I'll see him at all. As mush as I wanted to avoid him the thought made me sad.

I need help.

"Four really worked us today" James whined.