Baby Hungry (narry mpreg)

twenty-nine: a wall between them

twenty-nine: a wall between them

Life moves on for the couple, agonizingly slow of course, but they were working on it. Things weren't perfect still, Niall didn't like the fact that Harry was around Isaac at work all the time now and Harry didn't like the fact that Niall seemed to be falling back on old habits. They were okay, broken still, but they had each other. They were healing in their own ways, Harry doing his best to keep a positive attitude and avoiding the subject, Niall... Niall had thrown himself into his work.

Niall needed distractions more than Harry seemed to, Niall hated the flat they lived in now due to how many memories he had. It didn't matter if it had been quite sometime since he threw away all the things in that closet... he could still see those bright pink balloons every time he closed his eyes. Giving Nevaeh her name had helped Niall, but there was still a lot of pain that he wasn't letting himself feel.

Things were still rocky when Harry's birthday arrived, neither of them feeling up to celebrate in the usual way they did. Niall had tried his best though, planned out a whole evening for his husband to take his mind off of everything around them... He had made it as romantic as possible, only the best for his husband... but Harry looked absolutely exhausted by the time he got home from work, seeing to completely forget it was his birthday and going straight to bed. 

Niall couldn't bring himself to be disappointed about it. That was how it had been for the past month... and Niall honestly couldn't remember the last time they had actually touched each other for more than a few fleeting seconds. Harry would still kiss him, but he'd never let Niall take it any further. Niall missed his husband... and he wasn't sure if Harry really felt the same way. 

It felt like there was a wall up between them once Niall had joined his husband in their bed, Harry already fast asleep. Niall couldn't sleep though, staring at Harry's sleeping form with a sad expression. Niall wasn't sure when he last got a full night's worth of sleep, always more worried about Harry. Harry probably didn't even realize how often he started to shake while he slept, yelling at them not to take her away... Niall wasn't sure how to help him, only pulling Harry against his chest because if he woke up... The wall would be up yet again. 

Niall hated that wall, almost more than he hated the image of the balloons. 

So Niall didn't really sleep much anymore, keeping an eye on Harry instead. Sometimes Niall would just trace patterns into the younger boy's skin, his touch seeming to calm Harry but that was all. Niall would eventually fall asleep himself, waking up alone a few hours later. 

Harry would already be in the kitchen, getting ready for his work day. Niall used to try to make small talk, but lately Niall couldn't even bring himself to leave the bed. Harry doesn't say goodbye before he leaves, something that had just recently started up and Niall knew it was partially his own fault. Niall hated it still though, wishing more than anything they could just go back to before all this started... Niall didn't regret Nevaeh, he didn't regret the joy she had brought him in her short time... but he just wished he didn't have all this pain. 

He wished Harry didn't have it either, but they did. No matter how hard he pretended, how hard he wished it would all just go away, it wouldn't. Something told him that it would always be there too, there would always be this hole in his heart that Nevaeh belonged in... 

Niall eventually can't bring himself to be in the bed anymore, pulling himself out from underneath the covers and trudging his way into their kitchen for a cup of coffee. Harry was surprisingly still there, sitting at the table with his own coffee in front of him. He looks up at the sound of Niall entering, giving his husband a half smile. 

"Why haven't you left yet?" Niall asks, walking over to the coffee pot. 

"I'm not going today... I was uh... I was hoping you'd be willing to go somewhere with me... It's okay if you have to work..." Harry trails off, suddenly nervous as to how his husband would react. Harry knew things between them were harder than they used to be, there was definitely some sort of wall up between them and that was the last thing Harry wanted. He loved Niall more than anything, he didn't want to lose Niall too. 

"I'm sure... I'm sure Louis can handle the show without me... but I need to stop by to pick up some paperwork for the weekend if you don't mind me doing that first." Niall says quietly, pouring himself a cup of the coffee before joining Harry at the table. 

"That's fine, do you want me to come with you or would you prefer to be on your own?" Harry asks, hoping that Niall would take him along. Harry hated being in the flat by himself, hell... he hated this flat all together now... He wanted to move, but he wasn't sure if Niall felt the same way. Harry wanted a fresh start... but Niall was never one to want to start over. 

"You can come with me, Lou would love to see you I'm sure." Niall says, smiling softly but it doesn't quite reach his eyes in the way that Harry always adored.Harry wants to grab Niall's hand, tell him that everything was going to be okay... that they were going to be okay...

But Harry wasn't sure if that was true anymore, it sure as hell didn't feel like it. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ha, it's been a few days. 

my excuse is that i play too many video games and fall in love with fictional men who will never exist cause they're in a video game. IF ANYONE HAS PLAYED DRAGON AGE, LEGIT LET ME RANT TO YOU ABOUT MY LOVE FOR CULLEN RUTHERFORD BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN'T

and also, i promise this book will eventually get happy again... it won't always be sad af. 

anyways, qotc: fuck, um.... what do you guys think harry has planned? 

dedication goes to JadeAlice_

comment

and

vote

connie xx