Could I be Enough? *Thomas Jefferson Fanfic*

Ch 42.) You...

 My eyes scanned over the words Lafayette had returned. How was it possible!

"Im am confused, mon amie. The Tom that you had spent so much of your time with is in fact that Pompous purple Prick. As you so eloquently put it"

My hands shook. I wasn't sure if in rage or fear, but they shook nonetheless. Before I could register my actions the letter was crumpled in one fist and I was marching down the hall to Jefferson's office. There had to be a mistake, there was absolutely no way that the kind gentleman I had met in paris Was Thomas 'All about me' Jefferson. Tom was sweet, kind and he always would listen to my ramblings. Jefferson was rude, arrogant and just like every other man in this office. I stormed through his door without any introduction and slammed the letter on his desk. I could now tell my hands were shaking from betrayal, the tears clouding my eyes confirming my emotions.

"Ms.Hamilton, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company," He drawled lazily.

Yet another stark difference. Jefferson was a lazy talker, Thomas spoke with passion and a glow to his eyes. My eyes scanned his and found the infuriating similarities...Similarities who was I kidding, they were the same. The realisation broke my heart even more.

"Tell me that Lafayette is lying," I hissed, trying to push back the tears welling in my eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jefferson said confused.

"Read the goddamn letter Jefferson! Tell me that this is some elaborate joke you two decided to pull on me!" I shouted, a tear rolling down my cheek.

I wasn't sure what I would do if this was the accurate information. Jefferson straightened the crumpled letter. I watched his eyes scan the words. His face remained unreadable, even as he set the letter down onto his desk.

"Well!" I demanded, the silence killing me, my heart thundering in my chest.

"You called me a pompous purple prick?"

Ok, those so weren't the words I was expecting to hear.

"I never say anything that isn't true. Now tell me the truth Jeffers-" I took a deep breath. "Thomas. For the love of god, please just tell me this is some sort of joke," I pleaded, for once showing the man my true emotions.

I knew I couldn't bear another heartbreak. If this man was actually the one I had fallen for in France, I would possibly lock myself in my bedroom and never come out again.

I watched as his brown eyes left mine and looked down at the desk. Something like regret flashing in them briefly before he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm so...so sorry Giovanna," He whispered.

A sob fell from my lips as tears welled in my eyes. Betrayal written evidently across my features. I could feel my mascara dripping down my cheeks and my eyeliner smudging. I was certainly a picture.

"You were supposed to write me a letter when you returned," I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

Jefferson stood and moved to take me into his arms. I took a step backwards and shook my head. I would not fall for this a second time.

"Do not. Do not even try to comfort me. You have lost any right to take me into your arms. How could you! I waited for you! I lived only for your letters! I thought-" I cut off with a bitter laugh, my hands buried in my hair, tugging slightly.

I turned around and crossed my arms over my chest. I thought he loved me. These past few months with each other outside the romantic atmosphere of France proved very different. I can't believe that I fell for this horrible man.

I felt him put his hands on both of my upper arms and squeeze them. Hands that had held me tight, keeping me warm as we star gazed. I felt myself slipping back into that moment...Until my anger resurfaced.

"I waited for you, you foul, spoiled, rich, bastard!" I snarled pushing him away from me.

I turned away from him not wanting to give him more of my emotions than I already had. He moved to stand close behind me again and pulled me tighter to him, his hands resting on my hips and his chin on my shoulder. I felt my shoulder drop with the familiarity of the embrace.

"My Giovanna." He whispered, placing a kiss my my neck.

I pulled from his grasp and turned to glare at him. How did he even think it was ok to do that!

"Your Giovanna?" I demanded, fury blazing in my eyes.

He took a step back as I took one forward. I felt a tug of satisfaction at the fear dancing in his eyes as I advanced.

"I am no longer your Giovanna, Jefferson! I wrote you every day! Then all of a sudden the letters stopped coming. I heard nothing from you! Lafayette claimed you had returned and I still heard nothing from the charming young man who had captured my heart. Now I find he has returned from crossing the ocean only to be the most insufferable swaggering peacock i've met!" I snapped "And if things weren't bad enough, John Laurens is dead and i can't even go to him for comfort! I can't hear him telling me it would all be ok. I won't hear him tell me he lo-"

I was cut off my Jefferson roughly pressing his lips to mine.

I couldn't help myself and I kissed him back. It hurt deep in my soul that I had missed the feeling of his lips on mine. That He kissed me with the ferocity of a man being denied water. It hurt to know that he kissed me like he was dying to do so again, as if I would disappear. That he knew I was the girl from France that he kissed under the stars. That he found himself falling in love with...That he never came to me...The fact that I kissed back equally as hungry and desperate didn't help.

He pulled away first, resting his forehead against mine. For a moment the world around us fell away. Stripped to only the pair of us like those long Parisian nights. Gia and Thomas under the stars and stolen goodnight kisses before I would retire with knowing looks from Laff and Adrienne. Suckers for love. Huh, never thought I would think that about someone again...Love?

"I never liked a man's name that wasn't my own escaping those lips," He whispered.

"So you knew," I whispered, the previous euphoria rapidly disappearing.

"I could never forget you Gia,"

"Then why didn't you say anything!" I demanded shoving away from him once more.

"You seemed happy! I didn't want to come back into your life and break apart everything you had built for yourself! You were with your family and you were happy!" He shouted back.

"If you loved me you would've broken down any walls that I had supposedly built," I said.

"What was I supposed to do! Come storming into the president's office rip you away from his desk and kiss in front of everyone and tell you I loved you. Risk breaking my heart even further because you would have rejected me because you hated me! Did you think it didn't kill me every single day watching that man, Mulligan, kiss your cheek as he dropped you at Washington's office! That I didn't want to challenge him to a duel for your heart! I felt every single one of those things. But you were happy so I kept it quiet. I tried to be the biggest ass to you and your brother because I thought it would help me move on from the only other woman I have ever loved."

"Hercules is my best friend! Nothing more! You knew I still loved you Thomas! The letters never came back so I knew you had gotten them! You knew!"

I straightened my spine and turned to the door. I was sick of fighting, sick of crying over someone I thought loved me. I refused to let him see me cry any longer. This man had taken too much of my heart and ripped it apart like a useless bill. I paused at the threshold of the door, taking a deep breath and turning back to face him, my hand on the door knob.

"I saved every letter You wrote me Thomas. Every single one. If that doesn't prove that I loved you..." I sighed.

"Loved?" He asked, his eyes turning dark with sadness.

"I would say love...but i'm not so sure at the time. Goodday Secretary Jefferson,"