Could I be Enough? *Thomas Jefferson Fanfic*

Ch 51.) Wishing...

 John...I needed John. I slowed Geisha to a trot as we neared the graveyard. I slid off of her back and wove my way through the tombstone, pointedly ignoring that of Martha Jefferson who seemed to mock me in my despair or give pity. I couldn't decipher the feeling.

I all but collapsed onto John's grave, sobs racking my chest. A million thoughts raced through my head. How could he? Wasn't I enough. I hate him. I love him. I hate that I love him. What about our child?

"Oh John, I need you. I need you now more than ever. I come home to surprise...Him and find him embraced with someone new. Thomas was... oh god" I whispered as my reality crumbled around me.

A warm wind blew, it felt as if it was almost comforting.

"What do I do John? I cannot go to Alexander. He would surely challenge Thomas to a duel...Nor can I go to Angelica, her fire outweighs my own! Oh John," I whispered. "I do not know if I can go back to my husband...Husband. No.... He is no husband, he is barely a man. I loved him so much and I....Every word that he says is a dagger in me."

I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes.

My mother told me to take care of Alexander...How can I possibly take care of Alexander? When I can't even take care of my own heart, And my daughter, How can I look into her eyes and just see her father staring back at me.

"John, I can't believe this woman would do this to me. Why would she ruin my life. What have I done?" I sobbed.

I heard the snow crunch behind me. I hastily wiped my face dry and turned to face my new companion.

"Giovanna?" The voice asked gently.

"M-martha," I stammered.

"Oh my dear child, are you alright." Mrs.Washington exclaimed

"Wheres Adrienne?" I asked.

"She's with Dolly in the carriage...He told us you ran out and were most likely here," She whispered. "What happened child?"

I began to cry again and fell into her arms, spilling all I had seen.

"Hush my love. Hush," She soothed. "Perhaps Your brother is the comfort you seek at this time. Besides, he needs you as well." She said.

I nodded reluctantly. It was time I visited Alexander. Even if I didn't want him to have to bear this news. I needed my brother.

"Dolly and I will go over and pack you and Adrienne a some things, You will stay with me for the night," She said, not leaving any room for questions or nay saying, as she helped me into the carriage.

"Mommy!" Adrienne giggled and planted herself in my lap.

"Hello my dearest Adrie," I said softly, as I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Are we going home? Why are you sad?" She questioned.

"No dear. I think we're going to visit Uncle Alex and Auntie Angel. Would you like that?" I asked.

"What about daddy? Isn't he coming too?" She asked, her dark eyes so innocent and wide.

"Im..." I cleared my throat, "Im afraid daddy has to work dear. He won't be joining us on this visit,"

"Oh," she said sadly.

"But he loves you very much," I whispered, into her ear as I hugged her close to my chest. "I promise,"

A/N; The Image is what I think Adrienne would kinda look like.