"Why Do You Love Me?" [John Laurens x Reader]{Book One}[COMPLETED]

Chapter 80

(Disclaimer: this chapter deals with family stuff. Of course I don't really know Alex's mother or his relationship with his mother or with his brother James or what James was like. So yeah.. sorry if I get anything wrong...)
-Y/N Pov-
I remember when my mom was alive... though we didn't live in the best place or have the most money, she made the most out of it. She could do anything. Though I might've just thought that because I was a child.

When we got sick, she told us it was going to be okay. But it wasn't okay. After she died, everything fell apart. Our cousin hung himself, Alex left. It was just James and I. James had his job, and I had my job. James knew about my job, but there weren't a lot of jobs for women to get into. Especially there, so he didn't see what was wrong with it because we needed the money and a lot of women did it.
(Don't quote me on this. I probably should've done research, but I'm lazy.)

Now I'm here... as I sit here in this dark room, put here by the man I loves ex-wife. How did I get here? How did I have a good life with John, Frances, and my baby Belle to being beaten half to death and being threatened to be killed if I don't leave my family?

I look back at my life and realize how much of a shitty person I am. I was a prostitute before and after I came here, I cheated on John the day after we finally confessed our love for each other, and I'm just an all around bitch. Maybe I should just let her kill me... maybe everyone's lives would be better.

I feel my way towards a corner, curl up, and cry. I can't deal with this anymore. I shouldn't have to worry about this. I shouldn't have to have my family worry about this. This isn't right. This isn't how my life was supposed to turn out. I was supposed to have a simple life... I was supposed to get a husband and have a bunch of kids.

It's because of my obsession to succeed and show the men around here that women are just as good as men is what got me here. I could never do it though. I could never break the mold. I came here to look for my brother and I ended up falling in love with his best friend, joining the revolution, getting kicked out of the Revolution, running away and becoming a prostitute again, getting found, becoming apart of the government, getting in a relationship with John, cheating on him, having an existential crisis because I was a whore, John forgiving me, finding out I was pregnant and not knowing who the father was, finding out John was married and had a kid the whole time, getting kidnapped by Martha, John and Alex saving me and Frances, having the baby, and now I'm here again, kidnapped by Martha again. So much has happened. If I went back and told [B/N] this was going to happen. She would've laughed and told me that I was crazy.

I'm sorry John....

I'm sorry Frances...

I'm sorry Alex...

I'm sorry everyone....

I've ruined your lives...

And I have to fix it...

Myself.

~End of book one~

Hellohellohello! This was a roller coaster of a chapter. I'm sorry if I made you guys sad. I made myself sad by writing this. I had fun looking back at everything I wrote and having Y/N look back on it. Again, sorry if I made you sad.

I'll see y'all later BAII!!

-Kenny