I WISH YOU LOVED ME, mikey jimenez; MKY

00.

•Alanna•

It seems like every day ends the same exact way: with me staring at my bedroom ceiling, thinking about how pathetically and hopelessly in love I am with my best friend, Mikey Jimenez.

We met in the first grade; he pushed me down the slide and I fell face first, ending up with a mouth full of that mulch stuff. I cried like a baby (which I technically still was) and threatened to tell the teacher.

But he bribed me with some goldfish and teddy graham crackers, so of course I didn't snitch on him.

From that day on, the rest of the first grade was spent with him sharing his snacks and crayons with me and playing together during recess.

When second grade hit, we became inseparable. Our moms had to literally pry us away from each other when they picked us up from school. Eventually, they gave up trying and his mom would take me with them to her salon.

Third grade is where we actually began calling each other "best friends" and sometimes we would have sleepovers. He refused to call them sleepovers, because it sounded too girly, but I still called it what it was.

Fourth grade sucked, because we didn't have a class together for the first time in 3 years. We formed some new friendships, but none of them lasted as long as ours has. We still spent a lot of time together, venturing the neighborhood after school.

And then there was fifth grade. Where Mikey got his first girlfriend and started acting different. She didn't like me, and would constantly make him choose sides; and sometimes he chose hers. It hurt, but she wasn't in the picture for too long so I got over it.

Sixth grade we didn't have any classes together, once again much to our dismay. I started noticing that I had caught the attention of other boys, and I liked that. He, however, kept telling me that they weren't good enough for me... So I stayed away from them. All the meanwhile, he was with his second girlfriend.

Seventh grade was a new experience for us: middle school. We knew we wouldn't have many classes together, if any, from here on out. So we signed up for choir together, just for fun. At least it was fun for him... I, on the other hand, just wanted to be near him for some reason.

Eighth grade is when I finally realized that I had feelings for my best friend. By this time, he was kind of talking to several different girls in our class. He would always come to me with his drama, asking for advice. And because I was his best friend, I helped him. I had plenty of other friends to talk with about my feelings for him, and they all told me the same thing: tell him. But I didn't.

Ninth grade... the year I finally got my first boyfriend. Now, I had talked to boys before, but never dated. Devin Hayes was my first boyfriend, and he and Mikey hated each other. So even though I liked Devin a lot... I liked my best friend more. So I broke up with him, and now he avoids me at all costs.

Tenth grade was... interesting. We were so close that people actually thought we were dating, which I didn't mind. But Mikey, he hated the fact that we were viewed as a couple... Because that meant his female "friends" wouldn't give him a chance since he was taken. He had turned into a bit of a fuckboy... and he made some new friends that I didn't totally approve of. But it's okay because he didn't exactly like some of my friends either.

Eleventh grade I thought that maybe my feelings for Mikey were starting to fade away, but it was a false alarm. He came over more often, like he used to, and he'd stay the night. Our moms have always allowed us to sleep in the same bed when we stay over at each other's house... They trusted us, and believed that we would never have feelings for each other.

If only they knew...

And that brings us to twelfth grade. We are almost a month into our senior year, and things are going great. It's hard to hang out at school, because he has a large group of friends, and so do I. It would be impossible for all of us to hang out together without causing chaos.

I'm scared to see what this year has in store... A lot is going to change after we graduate and I want to make the best of the time we have left. I refuse to do anything that could ruin our friendship, so I'm going to move on.

My goal for this year: find a guy who makes my heart beat as fast, or even faster, than Mikey does.