I WISH YOU LOVED ME, mikey jimenez; MKY

27.

"God I love you, Alanna..."

And even though I knew this was coming, I still didn't know what to say or how to react.

•Alanna•

My heart drops to my stomach as I stare at him, trying to figure out what to say.

After almost 30 seconds, his gorgeous smile starts to drop, "Lana? Say something... please."

"I- I uh," I stutter and he frowns.

"I don't know what to say, Chance..." I say quietly.

He shakes his head almost in disbelief, "Okay... so you don't feel the same..."

"I don't know what I feel. I know that I care about you so much but those three words are serious and-"

"And what? We're not serious?" he asks hesitantly.

"No, I mean yes, of course we are. It's just really hard for me to say that to someone," I try to explain myself.

He chuckles, "Is it really? Because it seems like you can say it to everyone but me."

"What are you talking about?" I say in confusion.

"You have no problem saying it to Mikey and Michael. Everyone except for me..." he mumbles and I see where this is going.

"That's different..."

"Is it? Because I know for a fact that's not the case with Mikey," he throws back at me.

I start to get frustrated, "I've known Mikey since we were six. I think that was a long enough time for me to decide if I loved him or not. It's not the same."

He sighs, "It's not like we just started dating. We've known each other for four months now. And we've been dating for three..."

"I know that. I'm not saying you can't love me but not everyone falls as fast-"

"Wow okay," he scoffs and gets up from the couch.

"Chance stop. Don't do that."

He looks at me, "I don't get it. Every day I show you how much I love you and I treat you like a fucking queen. That's not enough for you?"

"I never said that! Stop putting words in my mouth. All I'm saying is I'm not sure if I'm there yet. I want to be 100% sure before I start throwing it around."

"Is that ever going to happen?" he asks quietly.

And once I again, I don't know what to say. I want to scream out 'of course, just give me time!' But I don't. I remain silent.

Chance nods his head slowly, "Okay... Um I'm gonna go to bed."

"Babe no. Let's talk about this..." I practically beg him.

"You're not talking. And clearly you have a lot to think about so... just sleep on it," he looks conflicted but he sighs and leaves the room, heading to his bedroom.

I sit on the sofa for what seems like forever, trying to process what just happened. Would it have been better if I had just lied to him? If I told him what he wanted to hear? Because now everything is one big mess, just like my feelings.

...

"Lani? What are you doing here at... 3am?" Mikey croaks out tiredly, rubbing his eyes to look at the time on the microwave.

"I-I didn't feel like going home. And I just need my best friend right now," I mumble.

He walks over and wraps me in a warm hug and I find myself sinking into his embrace, ignoring the fact that he was shirtless.

"What happened?"

"Chance and I had our first fight tonight," I keep it vague.

He pulls back with a frown on his face, "Why?"

"Can we... not talk about it?"

He gives me a look, "You came here for a reason."

I stay silent before giving in, "He told me he loves me."

His eyebrows raise in shock, "And you don't...?"

I begin to feel overwhelmed and I can feel myself getting emotional.

"Hey, look don't cry. It'll be alright," he pulls me in for another hug, "I have leftover pizza."

I let out a soft laugh as he fixes me a plate with two slices, "I knew that would make you feel better."

I sigh and start to eat, but honestly my mind it still back a Chance's apartment. I just feel so bad about myself.

Mikey watches me in silence, waiting for me to talk first.

"He looked so hurt that I couldn't say it back," I frown to myself.

He sits next to me, "Maybe you just need some time. He should understand that."

"Well he doesn't. He um... I think he thinks I'm still, like in love with you or something..." I say awkwardly.

He's silent for a few seconds, "And?"

"And...?"

"Are you?" he glances at me.

I look down to avoid eye contact, "N-no."

"Okay, then he has nothing to worry about," he says softly before grabbing a piece of pizza for himself.

I feel like I just told a big fat lie and I hate it. I hate feeling like this.

I just need to take some time and soon enough I'll realize that I do love Chance... he's my boyfriend and he's fucking perfect. Maybe I have something wrong with me... I just love to make things difficult for everyone it seems.