I WISH YOU LOVED ME, mikey jimenez; MKY

19.

And then he kisses me.

•Alanna•

I feel myself lean into the kiss briefly before I realize what I'm doing. I push back on his chest and he pulls away from me.

"Alanna-" he bites his lip.

I want to slap him but I can't. I would never do that and besides, it's not like he knows I have a boyfriend now.

My heart pounds in my chest and I feel overwhelmed with many different mixed feelings. I've been waiting for this moment for so long... and now that it actually happened I wish I could take it back.

Because no matter how good it felt to kiss him, I couldn't do anything. I can't do that to Chance.

Mikey tries to pull me closer to him again but I refuse, "Mikey stop..."

He shuts his eyes tightly, "I thought you loved me."

I can hear the hurt behind his words but what else am I supposed to do? I never thought he felt the same way, hell I still don't know how he feels.

"I-I'm dating Chance," I mumble under my breath.

His head snaps up and he tries to make eye contact with me, "Say that again."

"I have a boyfriend now, Mikey. I-I shouldn't be in here with you. I have to go," I start to panic as I turn around and go to open the door.

But he slams it shut, his body pressed up against my back as his hands are pressed against the door, right above my head.

He shakes his head, "What do you mean you have a boyfriend? Since when? You were just telling me you loved me, Lani. This doesn't make any sense."

I feel my eyes well up with tears, "It just happened. I needed to give Chance and I a shot..."

He frowns and says quietly, "You couldn't give me a chance to tell you how I felt? Fuck, I thought I had time..."

I scoff and turn to face him, "Mikey I gave you a chance. I gave you many chances. Today in the bathroom was your last one. You had plenty of time..."

"Why are you dating another guy if you love me, huh? What's the point?"

I stay silent, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to tell him about the goal I had for this year, that would sound so pathetic. 'Oh well you see, I told myself to stop wasting my time on you and to find someone else.'

He starts pacing in front of me, mumbling things to himself that I can't quite make out.

Now would be my time to escape, but I was tired of running from my problems. I wasn't going to do that because that would make me a hypocrite.

"I don't know what to do, Alanna. I want to tell you everything but there's really no use in doing that anymore," he laughs with a sad expression on his face.

I raise an eyebrow at him, "You should still tell me. Because right now I have no idea what's going on in your head. I don't know how you feel, and I've been so open with you. It's your turn now."

He stops pacing and I can tell he's having an internal battle with himself. I need to know, hell I feel like I deserve to know everything.

He opens his mouth to speak, but the doorknob starts to jiggle and then it opens to reveal the janitor - Kyle.

Kyle nearly has a heart attack once he realizes we were in here, "Shit! What are you two doing in here?" he jumps as he narrows his eyes at us.

"W-We were just leaving," I speak up as I move around him and leave the small space.

He raises an eyebrow at the both of us as Mikey follows me out, possibly assuming we were doing something... bad. But he shrugs and slams the door shut in our faces.

Mikey stares at the ground and I let out a deep breath, "I should get back to... yeah. I'll talk to you later."

He finally looks up and I see that his eyes are watery. Fuck.

My heart drops down to my stomach but I can't be here to comfort him. I can't feel guilty for telling him the truth. I won't feel guilty for trying to move on.

"O-Okay. See ya, I g-guess," he lets out before turning away from me. But not before I saw the first tear escape from his eye.

He walks away from me and I watch him as I try to process everything that just went down. I bring my fingers up to my lips that were still slightly tingling from the kiss. Shaking my head, I try to push the feeling away as I make my way over to the concession stand.

...

"Hey, what took you so long?" Chance smiles as I sit next to him, handing him his snacks.

"Uh- long line," I lie.

He tilts his head but doesn't question me, "Oh okay. You missed a lot, the game is actually going really good. We're winning," he nods to the scoreboard.

"Yay!" I cheer with a fake smile on my face. I couldn't tell him about what just happened. I know he'll doubt it all and most likely twist everything that I tell him.

So I just go on, pretending as if it never happened. We continue having a good time, laughing as Chance keeps stealing some of my nachos.

Every time I caught him he'd just grin cheekily and give me a quick peck on the lips. Gosh he was so freaking adorable,

but my heart felt as if it was breaking little by little as each minute passed by. And I hated it.

(a/n: well well 😩👀 it's been a minute. 4th ave started tour yesterday and im so happy and proud of my boys. of all my boyssssss ahhhh. 

mikeyyyyy 😭

chance 👀👀👀

alanna 🤦‍♀️😬 found herself in quite a predicament. yikesss.
do you agree with how she's handling this or nah?

any thoughts or predictions on what happens next? hehe)