Please Understand Why

Yours Truly

Dear Chance,

           How I feel as if all the time has passed and I'm old now. But, I'm not, I'm still the same age, still making dumb decisions and still writing to you. I just have to ask you to kindly stay out of my dreams. They're not dirty dreams just dream of what I wished we could have been or it's us yelling at the top of lungs at each other. Which is shocking because I don't raise my voice nor do I get mad easily. The real question is do I still love you the way I did before? No, I see you as a normal person, I see you in the way I see everybody else. With hatred only because I don't like others so I have to hate everyone equally it's called equality. When I see you, I don't want to run and hide nor do I want to shift my eyes away. I don't care about your presence, it doesn't seem to haze me anymore. It's more like how it was before us. You were just another boy in the static and I was just another freshman girl. Another person you could get annoyed at or bothered by. But it wasn't that way, was it? You liked me then you loved me then you fell for another. I'm okay with that now if you would have talked to me about you a month ago I would have said otherwise. I couldn't even hear your name without it killing my mood. I probably sound like I'm trying to convince myself of these feeling, huh? Reading these do you feel bad? If so, that's not what I'm going for. I just need you to understand why I act the way I act around you. I talk the way I talk. At first, my heart cried out for you to notice me and now I couldn't care less. Last night you were in my dreams again, you and Rachel were still together but you walked up to me telling it was all a mistake. Then you kissed me. I don't remember the rest. But why are you stuck in my dreams? I've heard that if someone is in your dreams that means their thinking of you. Is it true? are you thinking of me? if so, why? I wished we could talk but I'm okay and I will be. I talked to you the other day and you laughed at my jokes and laughed and smile when I said your girl is so tiny I could fit her in my pocket like a little chihuahua, you know the little dog that barks a lot hitting the annoying point. You laugh then when she asked to fix my bow on the back of my dress. You said to her you just want an excuse to touch my butt, do you want an excuse to touch my butt mister? We laughed and I kept cracking jokes and you laughed. it was pleasant and I enjoyed it. Of course, it was all friendly. I wished we talked more but it's okay.

Yours Truly,

Unknown