Please Understand Why

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      Over the weekend when Kate was over, Kate, my step sister and I decide let make fun of porn. So, we all ended up watching porn and judging everything about it. We were having fun it was funny. Then on one of the videos, Kate started turning up the volume just as my father started to come down the stairs. So of course, we hurried to turn it down and we busted out laughing. That could have been bad especially since the lady was getting louder. After Dad teasing us about laughing, he asks

      "Are you guys watching porn down here?" We lost it.

      I replied, "nope just family friendly good content." Oh my, it could have been worst. I mean we were watching a girl get nailed but he doesn't need to know that. Also, while watching it was nasty, I've never felt so gay. Until I watching some dude plow some blonde like yucky really yucky. Kate was in charge of choosing the videos and I was sitting there with a pillow and would cover my face at the nasty parts. I also realized how bored I get. I would declare I was bored then skip a lot of the video. Oops.

      I can't wait until the warm weather comes back. This weekend I wore shorts and boots and it was great. This weekend was kind of raunchy and cool. I'm good with that. I felt like I found that part of myself I was missing. I feel better. My dizziness is really bad. I hate that. Some days it very off and on. Other days its I wake up with it and it just messes me up all day. I find out what's wrong with me in April. It's so far away but Its okay. At least I'm getting checked. On a different note typing on my phone is difficult. But any whore. If we go way back to my random thoughts during the day at the end of the day one of them was that I'm really good at avoiding sex. Like that's a talent of mine. I was literally in the middle of a make-out session when he asked: "could I just put it in?" I laughed told him to try again then continued. For that, I think I'm great! Poor people. Also, do you ever wonder if there is a person out there who has secretly liked you but never has the balls to tell you?

     My brains work in a weird way. I will think about things that aren't casually in someone's mind. Like one of my pressing questions is so you know hotdog water. The water itself is nice but it's different and gross once you put the hotdog in. So, let's say you're eating your girl and then you put it in and then go back and eat her. Would the same logic still apply? Would her coochie taste like you?! Mind blowing right? Honestly, I do need answers though. I'm curious.

      I've been on a strict routine of going to school, going home, eating everything I want which is like 5 different things, then go to practice If we have it then go home, and watch YouTube until its bedtime. I watch a lot of YouTube and don't text people at all for real. I don't even text Kate that much. That's sad. I miss Kate. I really miss Kate. I'm a giant crybaby. I was washing dishes and listening to music, enjoying myself and Jean poked my butt. I just stood there and started to tear up. That's okay.

      On a different note, Let's talk about this trip. So, for this trip, I have to learn how to use a rifle. Mind you I've never picked up a rifle until a few weeks ago. Now I have to learn how to toss, catch and do a routine with a rifle. Now, this rifle shit is so much fun and it's a challenge. But it's kicking my ass and leaves me questioning why am I even doing this for a trip I don't even want to go on? I need to stop telling myself I don't want to go because I'll make the trip horrible for myself but that's okay. Oh my! I almost forgot guess what?! This bitch was able to get into her English class! That's right This girl is staying ahead in English. I'm so happy.

      Do you un-purposely notice when someone you love is upset? Then you realize you can't do a damn thing to help them because you don't want to make it worse or overstep. Kate and I had a heart to heart recently and it was nice. We talked about things that needed to be said and now we're working on fixing and growing our friendship again. I'm sorry my head is a little everywhere right now. Sometimes I think faster than I can type and that never good.

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