Please Understand Why

The Satisfaction

To whom it may concern,

When you look at the ceiling what do you see and hear?

       I hear ¨Fresh Eyes¨ and ¨The Only Exception. ¨ I see game night lights and gorgeous eyes. I feel the strongholds and gentle touches. You know, those certain thoughts you shouldn't be having and yet you are. Yeah, that's me every day. Sometimes I just look are someone and think ¨fuck I miss you. ¨ But, I just saw or talked to them, how could I miss them? I miss what they used to be to me, what the represented to me. I just miss everything, the way I didn't know them, the way I was so curious. The curiosity I held for them, the way I wanted to get to know them. Now I know too much and have no curiosity for them.

¨Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back. ¨

       That what brought me back every time, the satisfaction. The satisfaction that I spoke to you, the satisfaction that I sat near them or smiled at them. Now I can barely look at them. The change of events bothers me. I hope and prayed that I would find my curiosity but, it never happened if anything I got less interested. Almost like a lightbulb after being lit with curiosity for so long, I slowly burnt out. It was kind of sad. Each day slowly losing the brightness I had before.

       I guess after chasing after and following people you slowing lose the determination to keep chasing. Sometimes the satisfaction will bring you back, other times it will drag you down but, in the end, it leaves you tired.

When you look at the stars what do you think about?

        I think about how much you have come into my life and shook it up. How we could have been beautiful and graceful. Just like a ballerina flying and spin across a room with grace and beauty. Also, thoughts flow in as did you ever love me like you claim? Every time that I told you I was scared and afraid. did that ever go through one ear and out the other with no thought? Now I look at you and stare into your gorgeous eyes and I can't help but point out everything that I enjoy about you. Your eyes, your stupid smile, your jokes, your cheekbones, your hands, your arms, your hips, your stomach, the way you touch your hair. It all just floats back to me. Certain things remind me. I don't know though. Because other times I look around me and realize there was no hope and it was all for the best. And, that at the end of the day in 20 years from now I will read this back and laugh. That's all that matter. Right?

      I'm going to come clean. I love you. I fucking love you. There is no other way to say that. Around you, my heart skips beats and flutters. You make it hard to breathe. I love every second of it. I'm sorry for the weird looks I give you, that I can never explain. There is just something about you that makes me all giggly and want to jump around. You make me call you a blind baboon and then in my mind only your still my person. It's crazy! or I'm crazy.

The Satisfaction,

Unknown

P.s. I love you, please don't break me...