Please Understand Why

Wicked Nurses

I sat on my window watching the trees dancing with the rain and wind. The way the wind would blow the trees not allowed in the rain and just lift the tree is allowing the rain to flood the gaps. It was romantic the way the two complement each other in this waltz. The sun shined through calling down the curtains just as the wind dipped its dance partner for the last time. 

This summer I spent a lot of time alone. I spent time in summer school and then it jumped right into Color guard. So, I'm done with those chicken heads. The captains have egos bigger than my feet. Trust me my feet are big. They think they're better than everyone else and are always arguing with each other. Which they did last year but somehow, they ended up captains together. Make sense not really. 

I’ve been in a runt recently. Mad at everyone, even Kate. I do not know why. But I am. Fuck everyone, ya know. I’m been lost in a daydream and spaced out. I’ve been in so much pain. My back has been in pain for about a month now and I’m tired of it. I got Biofreeze to help the pain but it just makes my back feel like a York peppermint patty. Get the cooling sensation mothertruckers!

Okay, let’s talk about guard. I hate it with a burning passion. I feel isolated. It doesn’t help that I am sitting away from everyone but I don’t like being close to people I know don’t care about or for me. Guard is fucking a group of catty bitches hidden by fake complements and bright smiles. There’s like 3 girls that I like and that are good. The rest can jump off a cliff. If this dude doesn’t stop staring at me were going to have an issue. The male guard member ended up quitting because of how toxic it was. He loved me and loved my personality. I hated him. Guard still sucks and I wish everyone with a mouth would shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Everyone argues with each other over bullshit. The captains suck ass, they can’t work together without fighting or one letting her ego get in the way of everything. I can’t wait until they graduate. I’m tired of all these girls. I need to be over with this. I’m going to end up saying something off colored. 

This year school why has been okay for what I have been there for. I missed a whole week because of mom. I’m passing all of my classes with 1 ‘B’ and the rest are A’s, last year I was failing all of my classes early in the year. I’m more focused. I still don’t feel included, or do I leave the house. 

This month my mother let her blood sugar dropped low an hour after my dad left for Florida. The paramedics came They couldn’t get her blood sugar up so they took her to the worst hospital ever. They had her under my last name which isn’t her's and they couldn’t find her to get me back to her. Once I got back to her we waited until 3 am, we got there at 4 pm. They allowed her to go home. 

When I checked her blood sugar the sensor couldn’t read it because It was too high. I didn’t think anything of it. I followed my delusional mom around until 6 am till she finally went to sleep. I thought with sleep her blood sugar would drop to normal levels. It didn’t. She woke me up the next morning at 9 am, dressing herself talking about my dad who wasn’t even in the state. I knew something was off. I checked her blood sugar again and once again her reader wasn’t able to read her levels. I decided it was time to call my grandpa. 

The second I did I burst into tears. I didn’t know what to do. I was tired and I left alone. I was upset with the hospital for discharging her with her blood sugar that high. They made it too high and dangerous for her. I called the paramedics and they wouldn’t take her to the hospital. I was alone at this time I couldn’t take care of her. They said they couldn’t take her because she said no and because she was responding. 
See my mother is out of it so much she knows the proper response to the questions. they said if I would take her after they left it would be seen as kidnapping and I could be charged. Are you serious? So, I spent most of the day calling my grandfather every 2 hours and then giving my mother 20 units of insulin. By 4 pm it hadn’t moved at all. My grandfather told me to take her to the hospital no matter what. So, there was no way I could get her to go willing so I may have lied. I said that we were going to go get something to eat. Once she was in the van, she fell asleep so I was able to get her to the hospital. When we got there and she realized she started to yell at me telling me that she wasn’t going. I yelled back. I was just trying to help her the best way I could and she was very resentful towards me for that. I didn’t feel good. I felt like a bad daughter. She yelled at me a lot. Calling me names and ugly things all because I was trying to help her in a way, she didn’t favor.

I was tired and stressed. They got her back and we just sat around mostly they were lowering her blood sugars and things looked great. That’s when I decided to take my stepsister to dinner. it was 9 pm we had been there since 4 pm and hadn’t eaten since 9 am. we were hungry. When we got back, I noticed that mom was sweating. Full blow sweating, she couldn’t have been hot, it was freezing. I checked her blood sugar myself knowing that the nurses haven't been around in hours. The last time we checked she was dropping 100 an hour. She was down to 20. I was pissed. I called the nurses and no one came. They were sitting at the desk in front of me talking about their later plans. I called again and the lady who answered looked at me with the meanest look, so I said in a stern voice “I need a nurse now.” she said “ there will be a nurse with you in a minute” It had been a minute. 
I was tired and stressed. the second the nurse checked it; I left the room. I went into the lounge area and sobbed. I couldn't handle what was happening. I paced around the room while talking to Kate trying to find my grounding again. Once I was back in the room, I sat in the doctor's roller chair and sat in the door resting my head on the frame just allowing the tears to fall. Everyone but one nurse was being so mean to me. I wasn’t in the way, I told them everything they needed to know and I was kind. The E.M.T’s were rude, every nurse was mean and rude. I couldn’t catch a break. 

The nice nurse was so pretty and kind. She signed us in and then one time when walking past us she stopped and asked how my mom was doing and if she could help in any way. That made my last 2 days. At 12 they weren’t letting her go so I decided to take my step sister and I home so we can sleep. When we got home, we passed out. At 3 am my mom called me and said she was being released. So, I woke up my stepsister up and we went to go get my mom. The people at the front desk were snotty and said she was being admitted. However, when I got back to the room, the doctor said it would be a couple of hours before she was allowed to leave. 

The second she was good, we came home. We didn't get to sleep until 6 am and at 8 am we were on our way down to my grandparents for my birthday party. After food and cake and presents, I went to a bed and passed out. 

The next day on Tuesday, I spent the day resting, I could not stay awake for the life of me. The rest of the week was spent doing chores, taking care of mom because she was acting crazy. She yelled at me a lot for taking care of her and staying home. My teachers luckily understood and helped me catch up since I've been able to come back to school. That weekend was hard and I hated every second of it. Thankfully for me, my dad came home earlier than planned so that helped with the going back to the school thing too. 

All I can say is that I’m tired and overworked. I need to sleep and more time alone. 

Wicked Nurses, 
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