Please Understand Why

Alpaca

"Keep your friend's group tight and your pussy game tighter!"

       School the place many kids learn how to grow grey hair before their thirty. I've never been denied a harder class for the grade I'm going into. Teachers usually A) just throw me into it or B) give it to me upon asking for it. Now I'm going to have to spend a whole year doing the same shit again or take the class over the summer and have them place me into my correct class. My English teacher is going to have to try to fight for me to get into AP English. I'm a good writer I know I am. It's just my attendance and grades fucked me over. Me being sick a lot and then having to attend to my mom a lot really fucked me. I'm stressed. I just really hope my writing will speak for itself and will get me into that class. I can't be in a normal easy class because they bored me. That why I take classes above my grade and that are harder. I know I'm taking one on level class and one lower grade class just because I'm lazy and not good at those subjects.

       I do not like this. Hearing a teacher say I will be replaced into the class made me want to ball my eyes out. The fucked-up part is that I work so fucking hard for my grades. I do not cheat, I don't make excuses. I work, but the girl next to me who is supposed to be the smartest chick around who is so full and high mighty. I just watched her Mathway her whole test. Like honey oh you don't understand. I do and I'm the dumb one. I really hope the teacher catches you stuck up ass. You truly think you're all that. But you can't plug in numbers to the formula that were given. Hmm, makes sense. You're not supposed to have your phone but you kept yours because well I don't know, you put your bag in my way on the table so that you can cover your cheating. Okay okay, you little cello playing bitch. We get it your musical, you can swim, you're smart, your parents give you what you want. I heard you say "My parents are giving me my allowance do they want me to look broke." We do not care.

      Wanna know what else nobody fucking cares about is how much you get laid, that your trans, that you're gay, that you vape, that you just broke up with boyfriend number 5 this week. No one asked, no one cares. I do not need to know this information about you.

"He's pussy hopping that's all that is."

     Let's talk about swim. Well, more like an event that happened. So, what happened was I was on my 4th lap when my head started to spin, I just amused I need more air so I paused, took a couple deep breaths and keep pushing it. My 6th lap in my head started spinning at a more rapid speed. I knew I was fucked. I wanted to shout but I swam two more laps before I tapped out. At first, I thought it would pass so I just stood and leaned over the drain. As I stood the room spun and moved in a wave-like motion so I climbed out of the pool and sat there with my hands holding my head.

      I felt weak. I hate feeling weak. I wanted to cry because I was already pissed at the bitch, then that had to happen. The teacher was understanding and kind. I wanted to cry because I like swimming because if I push myself to the right degree, I feel stronger and like jelly after I step out of the pool. I enjoy that feeling. It motivates me. I also need that swim that day because I was pissed and I wanted to swim the emotion out. The next day I woke up and my vision was blurred and my head was pounding and moving in the same pattern. I stayed in bed because I didn't want to feel weak, it was also safe in my bed. This sucks and my mother acts like she doesn't know how to get me into the doctors even though that was she does all day for HERSELF.

     I am in a weird place right now. I do not want anyone to touch me still, I'm back on my sad shit and I sleep too much. Instead of dealing and sitting out my emotions I sleep. I got sad and went to sleep at 4 pm woke up the next day at 2 pm. That's a lot of sleep for me because I never do that. I usually go to sleep around 9 or 10 pm then wake up at 2 pm. But me just sleeping whenever is bad. Really bad. I am also really dreading this upcoming trip. I do not want to go anymore. At all. But I already paid. The one good thing is I'll be able to do rifle. Which hurts like a bitch while learning to catch that motherfucker like I bruised my wrist and really hurt my pinky.

      Anywho, I am going to admit I am bringing this Blue bunny whose name is BB. He has been with me since I was a baby. He's going to chill out in my bag so that way if I get too anxious, I can play with his ear. This poor bunny doesn't have eyes anymore and has a few pieces of white yarn as a tail. I love that bunny. My grandfather's mother gave it to me, she called me Molly, because that's what she wanted my mother to name me. That did not happen. But that's my bunny. I would bring something else but that item could cause issues so no.

"Shut up before I alpaca that pussy!"

     Chocolate day is coming up. You know that Hallmark holiday that coupled people celebrate. No, I'm not bitter because I'm single. I decided to single myself so fuck you. I've always hated the "holiday". I did enjoy it last year, I also hated it last year. That was a fun time. I want to sleep. I want to show up to school looking like a bum. Go through hell and then go home and sleep. Also, beg my mom for Lindt caramel filled chocolates. Yummy! I wonder who the fuck made this holiday? Which asshat loved their partner so much that they decided to make a whole holiday around love?

     Speaking of love. Do you ever just secretly love someone you know you shouldn't? Like it's not a strong type of love but you know that they hold this special place in your heart? Yeah? Me too. When speaking of body language with someone you truly love what does it when you two naturally want in step together? I'm talking about the same pace and same foot. I think I read somewhere a while ago when I was really heavy into body language and love.

Alpaca,

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