Please Understand Why

The Freshie

Dear 2017-2018,

            The beginning of this year was so wonderful, I felt as if I was floating through rainbows and kissing unicorns. But in all honesty, this one school year has been a storm. The beginning I felt as if everything was falling into place. I had friends, I was accepted, I felt on top. But I neglected my friend for a boy, so her beginning was a whole lot different than mine. I loved all of the Friday game nights and the after-school practice. For homecoming, Chance and I and two of his friends (who were a couple as well) had pizza and went bowling. Chance and I decided the whole homecoming dance thing isn't us so we did that. It was so much fun, I was laughing and smiling and just enjoying myself the whole time. So, everything in my mind was perfect. I had someone who (I thought) loved me, perfect grades, and a friend group.

             Around November is when I saw everything fall apart. Starting at my relationship traveling into my grade before finally killing me. I became so depressed and fell into a dark place. My grades started to fall. I lost trust in everyone. My heart hurt and he still tried to speak to me. Even seconds after he broke up with me which was before the school day started. He texted me asking if I was okay I was balling my eyes out in class, I told him, of course, I'm not okay. I cried all that day just to come home and cry into my mother's arms before crying into my fathers. I felt weak. After I couldn't get myself together, so my grades started to suffer I went from a straight 'A' honor roll student to a straight 'D' and 'C' student. That took a big toll on me as well. Then things at home seem to be falling because my mother' health was declining. I was stressed and in so much pain, I went back to old habits. I was at my lowest.

              But, I started to grow and find myself again. I learned to love and find what's good about myself. I started to clean up and work on bettering myself. I tried to fix my grades and it was hard but I got all my grades but one for passing. Now I finally feel go about myself and am able to the beauty in me and things are looking up for me. I know I couldn't have done any of this or been able to grow if these events never happened. I know that I would have never tried out for chambers orchestra if it wasn't for my family and Kate. I tried out for the color guard even though I was thinking against it. But I did it because I like what we do just not the people.

          But all in all, this year has kicked my ass. I was at my highest and my lowest. I felt empowered and weak but I grew and matured. I found out so many things about myself and people around me. I know that it's okay to just be okay. I hope for a better next year without all the tears and late nights. I'm going to try and work hard for better grades to get my GPA up. To get my future brighter and better.
 

The Freshie,

Unknown